She buys me a lot of shitty music these days. ""Reminds me of your old stuff,"" she says. So maybe I get her a gift subscription to Playboy.
""Mommy, mommy, I don't wanna see grandma!"" ""Shut up and keep digging!""
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.
Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was assaulted.
The scariest moment in the world is when a 3yo looks at you and says CLOSE YOUR EYES AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH