A few days ago, someone told me that the girl was hoping to marry loves to spend extravagantly on clothes, big lifestyle and all, and she wants him to pay for that lifestyle.
She was owing a lot of unpaid debts and was also planning to actually take more loans while paying back whenever she gets paid from her side hustles. She is a Final year student and already planning to have a lavish party for her graduation.
So her parents are not rich and she doesn't have any rich relatives. Her partner (the person I know) who is aiming to marry her, is earning a salary that doesn't even do a lot to improve his life. So this guy loves her (he's a hopeless romantic) and will do anything for her, but he cannot genuinely pay for her this time because he's on a tight budget and is just incapable.
He texted me recently and asked me what needs to do, and I simply tell him that there was nothing he could really do, because he didn't have money. But there something very disturbing and that was the fact that she was willing to borrow money to live or sustain a lavish lifestyle.
I asked for her age and this guy says she's 28, almost 29, so it wasn't like she's probably being influenced by peer pressure, but then maybe peer pressure affects everyone irrespective of their age, and maybe it's just me who has a crazy lifestyle of never caring about what anyone thinks.
Maybe it's just me that's comfortable with wearing a cheap jeans and T-shirt and not really caring about what anyone thinks or perhaps I'm a man with too many problems in his life and wearing expensive stuff and buying unnecessary things isn't really my thing.
But then again, a woman who likes to spend on stuff even though she doesn't have the money or needs to borrow money to buy things to take pictures of, maybe that's not the type of woman I want to be marrying, but I really cannot tell this guy not to marry someone he loves.
One of the biggest lessons I've learned in life is that it's actually very difficult to convince or talk to someone who is in love, so I wasn't going to do that. Instead I told him to buy whatever she wanted if he had the money and if he doesn't have it, then he should just go ahead and tell her that he doesn't.
So he goes ahead to tell her, but she became really angry/sad that this guy didn't want to help her with the money. So I cannot tell him not to marry her, and he doesn't have the money, but I think he probably needs to learn his own lessons and then he can decide for himself.
When it comes to relationships, money and marriage, it's always a controversial and dicey topic. A lot of women are not perfect, but I'm definitely not marrying the type that would put me in debt or pressure me to spend unnecessarily or by all means when I cannot afford it. He's really very close to me, and honestly I want to advise him right, but I can't.
But, I'm honestly scared for this guy though. I remembered being in his shoes, a long time ago, and that's how I know that love can be really distracting. I honestly wish him, but I'm not seeing the possibilities of it turning out well.
I'm not even talking about love, because love alone cannot sustain a marriage, sometimes love fades and reality is all you have. I understand that sometimes I'm always too realistic about life and it makes me appear a bit too negative, but I wish I had this mindset all my life, and I think it could have saved me a lot of pain and disaster.
But this is life z and I think everyone deserves a piece of their own pain, especially if they won't consider the constructive advice of another person.
