I'm just going to keep writing, I guess.
I didn't have anything planned out about which to speak but I enjoy the feeling of typing on my laptop and I don't do it very often yet I still have a lot to say so ... (i am without notebook in the nearest vicinity - in fact if I were to write on something physically it would require me to get up off the couch and walk over to the round table in the kitchen of the tiny little cabin I am staying in in the mountains with my sisters and their mens and childs, to my purse within which is a six-by-six sketchbook that has some markers in the binding).
Writing on a computer versus writing by hand is a very different experience. I can get much through much faster while typing versus while writing it by hand. Which is better? While typing, because of the increased speed it is easy to get a lot of words out. But I feel that perhaps they come out less refined than they would if I were writing them. Because the words are formed much more slowly while I write on paper, there is more time to consider what the next word needs to be in order to convey what I have to say. However, now that I am thinking of my next topic of conversation I am already tired of thinking about the merits of hand writing versus those of writing on computer. I will maybe return to it at a later date; perhaps I need more experience writing this way (on my laptop).
The next topic of conversation is this feeling or fear that perhaps I am a very big talker with very little to show for myself. Maybe I talk a big game. Maybe I claim (not outwardly; i would never do that; but perhaps by the way I behave it belies my attitude that I'm great at doing whatever it is I am talking about, even if I don't have very much practice at doing it. Like I believe I'm a passable tango dancer but I begin to doubt myself when I hear people talking about how taking private lessons is the way to "get better" (what does "getting better" even mean? This is a language... do I ever try to get better at speaking English, despite it being my native language? I get better with experience, with reading new words, new works, hearing things from others' points of view, thinking about new things, finding relationships and connections between concepts that I'd never considered before. I don't believe there is anyone who can teach me that other than myself, through practice and experience. But of course, what do I know; I don't have much experience taking private lessons, so I don't really know what that's like. I can't really form any opinions on whether I like it, whether it makes a difference, whether it's for me, because I haven't tried it yet. Besides... I dance for fun. I don't want to bring in orthodoxy and structure to something that I play with. I need more convincing. What does it mean to "get better"? Am I not already enough? What does "improve" mean?
It kind of makes me nervous to have a blog. What if I write something that I really like? To access it I would have to have access to steemit and that makes me slightly uncomfortable. Not having a hard copy of it. Not having it saved somewhere locally. Although I do think if it were brilliant enough I would do some copy-paste magic and paste it into my note taking app (see how I'm totally generic about which one I use because everyone has their own that they use and it's not my place to suggest what anyone should use)... but of course, even if I were to copy from here and paste into there, I still wouldn't have a hard copy of what I write.
Moral of the story: more words fast = type; hard copy and being the sole owner of the only copy of the words = handwrite.
