New conversations, new people...

There are times when a difficult realization appears: something that was important is no longer going to be the way it was. Not because there is a lack of will, or because someone has done something wrong. Simply because life kept moving and certain configurations of the past can no longer be repeated.

Accepting that is not always immediate.

For a while the mind tries to reconstruct what existed before. Review memories, review decisions, imagine alternative versions of history. It's a pretty natural reaction. Human systems tend to seek stability, and when something changes significantly, the need to recover the known appears.

But there is a point at which that search begins to transform. One begins to notice that the past does not disappear, but neither does it need to be repeated to continue having value. What has been lived already occupies a place within the history itself. It doesn't need to compete with what comes next.

From a more systemic point of view, this is also understandable. Living systems do not exactly return to previous states.

They work rather as constant reorganization processes, to feed another ecosystem. When something is lost or transformed, the system slowly begins to explore new forms of balance.

And these new forms are not copies of the past. They are different configurations.

That's why the fact that something will not be the same again does not necessarily mean that everything that comes after will be worse. Many times it simply means that the system is opening space for experiences that did not exist before.

New conversations. New people, in order not to settle for crumbs, are new ways of understanding one's life. Of course, none of that replaces what happened before. The lived experiences are still part of the personal system. But the future does not have to repeat the same beauty in order to remain valuable.

What do we do when we understand that something will never be the same as before?
Sometimes beauty just changes shape. Therefore, I do not recommend not to get acquainted with crumbs. Because the one who feeds on crumbs is always hungry, because what he receives is never enough. Learning to settle for little is one of the worst habits we can develop.

Because this habit also means a change in the way we perceive ourselves, we begin to believe that this is what we deserve and unfortunately we build relationships from that place.

Sometimes life doesn't give us everything we want, it's valid. Sometimes we become relentless judges of our own history, we burden ourselves by mistakes of the past, to the point of demanding a non-existent perfection, even accepting this, is our reality (temporarily), but I do not recommend,... never, normalize the crumbs because we end up exhausted of our own self-criticism.

Janitze 🦋