Not Giving A Chuck [Growing]

"Someone's going to say something because you didn't go to your FIL's graduation," my sister teased me yesterday afternoon when she learned I stayed.

"It's okay. I don't give a chuck about it." I replied jokingly.

But there's truth to it. Unlike in the past when I used to be bothered by other people's expectations of me, I now protect my energy and peace, and deliberately choose what to really give a chuck about. I no longer flinch when others talk or gossip behind my back. Small stuff like that doesn't make me sweat anymore, because I have internalized that there are better things to spend my time and emotional bandwidth on.

I guess *growing older maturity has something to do with it. Some say it's a midlife transformation, and perhaps it is. Looking back, most of the shift in my emotional patterns began in the last 6-7 years, although it wasn't accidental. Something kept happening that pushed me to my breaking point, made me decide, and say, "That's enough!"

Oh, it was tough. It was messy.

There were relapses. Emotional breakdowns still happened. I still cared, and spent time on other people's nonsense, cried over spilt milk. The shift wasn't straightforward, nor did it happen overnight; it was gradual.

And it is a lifelong journey of unlearning, relearning, and discovering.

Growing is painful, but meaningful. I still stumble and fall, but getting back up is easier. I still care, but the focus is on the important stuff. I still debate with myself at times, but clarity often comes after a little while.

Not giving a chuck about many things is liberating. I now act freely. I do things without the constant thought of "Will they say something?" Nope, that chapter in my life is over.

So yeah, I meant every word when I say, "I don't give a chuck."