"Why can't they just accept me for who I am?" That is what almost all of us say to our loved ones and people around us. However, I just want to tell you that nobody has the obligation to accept you just the way you are in this world. Neither your friends will, nor your lovers, nor the society and working environment. I have learned this on my own over time because for a long period I always said that others must accept me for who I am without making me fit their perspective.
Saying it sounds empowering on the surface, but when you think about it deeper, you will it is the refuge for stagnation. Of course, every human deserves to be respected and should have basic humane treatment but it is not an exception to growth. There were many times I looked at myself and realized that certain responses, certain behaviors and certain views of myself needed to be changed immediately.
If the person that you are is Defensive, Inconsistent, Emotionally Responsive, Undisciplined, Entitled, Unreliable, Refuses to grow, then this world will respond to you that way, not because the world hates you but because it responds to value and growth and not your rigidity.
There was a time I had to sit and reflect with myself, especially during times when things weren't going well for me. I realized that you cannot ask for approval while you are not trying to evolve yourself. Even the people that love you cannot deal with you if you keep growing stagnant and it is usually where the downfall of relations starts. It may not be that we don't fit with them but it is because one partner may be happy being who they are. That phrase "this is just who I am" can slowly eat away at relationships, opportunities and even your own personal development.
From my experience, it is not that you are not compatible but because one person believes it is their identity and there is no need to grow beyond it. It affects many areas of our lives and may not be noticed until it is too late.
I now see myself as a work in progress and that should be the perspective of anyone regardless of whether they appear to be. Being a work in progress is not a sign of being insecure or weak, but of being mature. It's a sign that you're able to take a look at yourself and understand where you need to improve on how to communicate, that you should learn to control your temper and your words when you're angry, and that you are not letting some of your habits affect you more negatively than positively.
The truth is that self-evaluation is not always a pleasant thing, but you must tell yourself the truth. If you don't, then you can only ask others to adapt to your broken self and there is no society or even people in the world that do that to the extreme unless they are of bad character themselves. Jobs won't work for you, compatible people will not accommodate you, the world will not wait for you and if you are not willing to be better, even your own peace will be unattainable.
From this realization I'm learning that the concept of who I am is not stagnant; rather, it can adapt if I allow it to. It's for me to not question why people cannot accept me, but to question whether this current me is truly the best me that I can be.
And if my answer is a no, there is nothing bad about it because I have learned that the thing which needs adjustment is an opportunity for growth and it is a learning curve that I must be willing to take.
