I've fully committed to restoring my nervous system and finding my lost clarity. I've never been too serious about quitting my addictions because I've never really consumed so much of it to be worried, but then again, since I began using, I've never been clean.
I've begun getting curious about knowing what's on the other side, what kind of person I will become when my system has rebooted, and what kind of life I will experience. I feel confident in my success because this time, it is not shame that moves me rather curiosity, which is a positive encouragement. I have faith that once I'm on the other side, things will improve drastically, and this is what I remind myself in each craving.
Craving are specially strong for cigarettes these days as it is cold, and tobacco is so helpful to withstand cold, dark and lonely days. Porn has been easy because I have no internet access in the place where I sleep, which is where I would commonly consume as that final pleasure of the day which would lead me to fall asleep easily when I had no partner by my side.
Alcohol was only tempting when I found a friend in the streets who was already drinking a few days ago and my mind almost tricked me saying: "I think we can make an exception after all we haven't seen him in a very long time". But when he offered me, I responded with the answer I had always wanted to say: "no thanks, I have nothing to hide from".
So here we are, tackling three addictions at once. There are moments when I feel miserable as old wounds resurface, and there is nothing to hide behind. Also, there's a few moments in the day when I realize I haven't felt any intense pleasure and it kind of worries me to live without intense pleasure. But I think pleasure will return in healthier ways once I've completed this arduous process.
Well, wish me strength and courage for this process. It's a bit embarrassing for me to post this and also to be having these battles at this age, but I suppose it's better late than never. Anyone else here battling some addiction?
