I have been extremely frustrated with life and my inability to add value to it. This year I at least wanted to start getting some decent sleep and not be sitting in chairs or at desks for 18 hours a day. I wanted to be somewhat happy. While also seeing projects, and work I’m involved with growing and with them myself.
For a while now I’ve been in maintenance mode both as they say on Steem and in life. Everything has been in an endless bear market for so long I only know moving sideways and not the direction of up. In bear markets, you hold on for dear life what you have and try and build so when you see the end of those tunnels light you come out ahead and it was worth it. Sometimes you realize you just can’t hold on anymore and need to accept the losses that come with it.
Recently I have been staying up past 5 am again and not getting much sleep. With the exception of over the weekend where I crashed and slept most of it away. Along with hating life more than normal. This has left me a very angry person at my inability to think myself out of my current situations and see success in anything anymore. Everything turned into a chore and one I dreaded trying to do on a daily basis.
Franky I been on Steem for 22 months and I see all my efforts as complete failures. I’ve crossed the 8k posts marks and you would not know it. Most of my friends like my real life ones are long gone. My interactions I have these days feel like business transactions and nothing more. Enjar the brand makes just cents an hour at best.
I was very blessed to earn the privilege of becoming a curator for a few months in a number of communities. There is just something about finding content that had heart and soul poured into it and being able to reward it with more than further pocket lint.
It has also become the bane of my existence as I no longer enjoy the content. It has all become “is this worth me further looking into for curation purpose or do I move on?” There so much content there is no way to sift through it all without being jaded, heartless, and a few other things. I rarely found what I was truly looking for. I know it’s out there I just could not find it.
I’ve also seen the sadder side of Steem. The endless dead accounts piling up on this platform that got missed or forgotten that were creating content better than I ever will. The people who repost their old content but tried to avoid getting caught by shifting and word upscaling. Then you just had the content thieves who will steal anything to try and make a quick buck and cheat those who put in all the hard work. I have discovered curators really get ticked off when they find stolen content.
I’ve recently stepped down on all of my curation roles and efforts. I just don’t have it in me anymore. Manual curation is very time consuming and I was never very efficient at it. I’ve needed more time for myself and this is a major area of time. This includes all communities associated with them as well. While communities are great they become so time-consuming in themselves.
There is a lot of content I want to create that I just have not been doing. I’ve been trying to move in a new direction that I hope will help further my ability in creating content in the long run. I’ve been trying to juggle changes, learn a bunch of new stuff, and everything else life tosses at you and something had to give.
Many people who take up leadership and/or curation roles on this platform more or less stop posting personal content outside of a very occasion post. While there are a couple of expectations to that. Many times they are just creating community posts and stuff along that line. Which my own blog has sure been full of that stuff as well.
Creating content was always my line in the sand. I was not willing to give it up and while I’ve tried to make some compromises I’ve been very disappointed in a lot of the content I’ve created due to that result.
There is a post I wanted to create over the past two months and in total I’ve only created a title for it-- Complexity Of Betrayal League. Frankly, I can’t recall enough to write it anymore and they'res not enough time. That league is ending soon. While I certainly had grand dilutions of it becoming something it was not going be which I was fully aware of as well. It’s just one of an endless amount of things I pushed off to the side in purist of other stuff.
This platform is in need of two things the most-- leaders and curators. Leaders are taking the charge to make the next dapp, community, platform, the whatever. Curators making sure efforts are getting some kind of reward other than 2 cents. These roles are full-time jobs for many who are also having to still keep working their day jobs, and everything else life demands of them.
Mixed in with these groups you just have the poor bastards trying to do too much because their skill set is needed everywhere. I found myself saying NO a lot more then I was saying YES. I still could not make the time for everything I ended getting involved in. I lost track how many times my discord count was so high I had to go in and remove them by the dozens just to feel not overwhelmed. I am a nobody and thankful I am to be one.
I’m at least glad I gave quite a few things that were so far out of my comfort zone a try. It was an interesting past few months.
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