Have you ever met someone, maybe a friend who constantly blames you or other people for every bad thing that happens? Maybe something bad happened but it doesn't directly affect the person, but the person always has a way of making himself look like the victim? Meeting such people can be really frustrating. They tend to make you feel bad for the bad things that happen either to them or around them, as if you're the cause of their every problem. It's the victim mentality. People with such mentality have a distorted view of themselves that causes them to believe and conclude that they are always treated unfairly when certain negative circumstance arise.
I used to have a classmate back then in high school who struggled with this problem. I get to see her play the victim card especially during tests or exams. We happen to sit next to each other during exams and a lot of times, she'll want me to tell her almost all the answers to the questions. One time, I was punished when my teacher caught me talking to her and after that incident, I decided I won't tell her the answers anymore. She kept trying to get my attention but I ignored her throughout the exam. When the results came out, her grades wasn't so good and she kept blaming me for not telling her the answers. She even said I was the cause of her failure in the exams, making me look like the bad person.
One thing people with the victim mentality will never do is take responsibility for their actions. I kept wondering, how did I make her fail the exams? Instead of admitting her unpreparedness for the exam, she found a way to hang her failure around my neck. She didn't even sympathise with me when I got punished in the hall because of her, all she did was claim the victim in the situation and try to emotionally blackmail me.
The victim mentality is not a psychological disorder that people are born with. However, an individual may develop the victim mentality after experiencing a really bad situation in the past, maybe a trauma that left deep-seated scars on the person, thus causing the individual to see threats even in situations that poses no harm to the person. Growing up in toxic environments, let's say children who grew up in abusive homes may end up developing a victim mentality in the long run. Since individuals living with this mentality see themselves as helpless victims, it may also be a common trait that they would want the sympathy and pity from other people in every negative situation.
Regardless of however an individual developed this mentality, recognizing the situation and getting help would be the way forward. People who had traumatic pasts should get professional help. Through therapies, mental health professionals can help individuals change their thought patterns and help them find better and effective ways of managing trauma-related stress. On the other hand, friends and family can really be a good support system for someone who had suffered trauma in the past. Providing emotional support through kind words and encouragement can help the individual feel more secure and have a more improved mental health.
Through self awareness practices like keeping a journal, an individual can be able to identify weak points or situation that tend to get him into playing the victim card. In doing this, it can help the person to be more accountable for his mistakes, enabling him to find solutions instead of trying to put the blame on someone else.
Breaking free from the victim mentality requires a lot of personal work and in most cases professional help but the good news is , it can be done. It is not an impossible feat to gain mental freedom. With readiness for a change, individuals struggling with the victim mentality can take rewarding steps for a positive future.
Check out the Inleo prompt for day 3 and participate in the monthly prompt initiative for the month of june.
