My parents will always tell me that the only audience I'll get on my wedding day will be the seats in the hall. They say this as a joke and it gets funnier when I remember they are the same people who raised me the way I am. I wouldn't call myself non-social. I'm somewhere in between the two lines of being a social bee and an introvert. Growing up as a child, my parents always wanted to keep an eye on me and my sisters. That meant, we always attended any function we had as a family. If my parents weren't going to be attending, then the chance of going by ourselves is very slim. In the neighborhood, we played with the kids if they would come over to our house. If they can't come over, then we are required to play indoors.
Those were the contributing factors to my preference for solitude. I became very comfortable in my own space that I would never trade anything for it. I made a few friends in school and everything pretty much ended right there in school. I barely visited their homes unless it's for a school project or any related school activity. Parties were mentally exhausting for me so I never wanted to go to any of them. I preferred being in my room seeing a movie or doing any other thing but going outdoors.
During those times, I didn't think that lifestyle will have any negative effect on me,until I started reflecting on my social life and I figured that I may have lost some potential friends because the relationship seemed to be one-sided. My friends would want us to go for hangouts and enjoy some outdoor fun activities, but I'll always decline because of my personality. I don't ever visit them if they don't visit and even making phone calls was such a big deal. I preferred texts to calls.
In addition to that, I started dealing with social anxiety. The mere thought of having be in any social setting works up my nerves and I am never comfortable in social gatherings. My personality also affected my communication skills.There was a struggle in knowing what to say to someone and how to keep up with a conversation without sounding monotonous. That was even the major reason why I don't visit people. It'll be so awkward going over to visit someone when you don't have the slightest idea what to say to the person after "how are you?".
With the passing of time, I realized that I really needed to work on my social life because in as much as I enjoy my own space, I also had the need for a more improved social interaction. I needed to find the balance between my personality and my relationships with other people. Going out of my comfort zone wasn't so easy but I took one step at a time. I try to visit more people, especially my relatives and spend days with them, sometimes months. It was my priority to meet new people and form real connections in every new environment I find myself in. It was really worth it if I am to be sincere, because I've come to realize I was actually missing out opportunities to learn new things from the people I meet.
I wouldn't say I am a full-blown social bee now, nevertheless I am happy to have found the balance between the two contradicting personalities. i still enjoy my own company but ,it doesn't stop me from letting other people into my space once in a while. I hope to be more flexible in my journey of self discovery and embracing new experiences that life has to offer.
