An Open Letter To My Dear Loving Family,
Sorry I sucked this year. The holidaze were truly that. When our amazing HardFork team decided to launch a DASH sponsorship proposal in early December I didn’t do the math on when it would come to a head. And I feel I became somewhat insufferable on our family visits home as a result. The combination of painful feelings surrounding the 3rd year anniversary of my mom’s death and equally painful feelings that a million bucks in sponsorship money for HardFork were slipping through my fingers drove me beyond distraction during our visits home. It was only after we unexpectedly rounded up the votes in the last second that I realized just how odiously obsessive I’d become.
Human interaction on the other side of a digital portal—both demanding and friendly—have become an everyday part of our existence. Sadly, those who are in physical rooms with us (or the signal laden great outdoors) often suffer from our binary absenteeism. And this year, I was a real stinker on that front. I’m excited to start this new year with a better handle on my screen-work habits.
Portable electronic devices (or PEDs, my new favorite expletive) have become so enticing it’s harder than ever to put them down. I’ve taken to counting how many people I see on the streets of New York who don’t have one glued to their appendages. The numbers are dwindling…
But that’s no excuse.
In the last hours of the DASH Proposal Vote, at brunch with dear friends I’ve know my entire life and their dazzling kids, I could barely look up from my phone. The numbers were coming in fast and furious. My friends were getting in on the excitement. But after a brief woop, “HOLY PEDing PED!! I THINK WE GOT IT!!” the last minutes of the timer were still fluctuating and it was impossible to know if we’d truly succeed or not for a nail-biting hour. My amazing wife kept subtly nudging me that I needed to put the phone down, but I simply couldn’t. Full fledged inescapable Holiday Shmuckery.
My work as a filmmaker and commercial director has always been unpredictable, oscillating between inconsistent and relentless. In my earlier idealistic days, I refused to own a cellphone, instead opting for a pager, which I would make a point of ignoring for at least an hour after it buzzed unless it said 911. But the smartphone vortex engulfs us all it seems, and I’m a sucker for instant gratification. Let’s face it, the thing produces pangs of love.
And throw crypto into the mix…
Forget it.
But, I don’t want to be the kind of father who parents out the side of a phone. The kind of husband who doesn’t look up from his laptop when his wife speaks. The kind of son, brother, friend or even street passerby who’s digitally tuned in, but physically tuned out.
Before leaving New York, I went on an “adventure” with my son to get his new Passport downtown. You can spin any errand into an adventure if you throw in a dash of chocolate. Of course, a Slack attack came in. A fire I immediately needed to relate to. I threw off a thumb volley then looked down at my innocent 5 year old’s fae.
“I’m sorry I’m so distracted with this thing lately,” I lamely stammered.
“That’s OK Daddy,” he responded, “I know you’re working on a big project.” My heart melts just thinking about it.
And so I offer an apology. I can’t promise I won’t suck again if the need arises. I know I will. “Big projects” these days demand the attention of the screen. I’m looking at one right now for PED’s sake.
But I’ll try harder.
This I vow.
Thanks for being wonderful, and for not giving me too much (well deserved) crap. Can’t wait to see you face to face again soon, and be a little more present when I do!
Xo & Happy New Year,
Doug
Got your own Holiday Mia Culpas? Please share below, it might just make us both feel a little better ;-)
I am a Brooklyn based writer, film & commercial director, and crypto-enthusiast, my projects include @HardFork-series an upcoming narrative crypto-noir and my novel Dwelling will soon be premiering exclusively on Steemit, and you can check out more of my work at dougkarr.com, piefacepictures.com, and www.imdb.com/name/nm1512347
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