On Saturday, I tried to break myself. I've been struggling with the same issues as most lately: routine changes, favorite hangout spots unavailable, not being able to see loved ones, and as much as I've grown in some ways because of the pandemic, I found myself increasingly frustrated in others. We all have coping mechanisms and ways of practicing self-care, and now more than ever it's important to be mindful of the things we can do to get ourselves in a better state mentally. This is a big part of mindfulness; recognizing the emotions that come up and then taking steps to work with them.
In my opinion, self-care can also manifest itself in unorthodox ways. Generally, we view things that heal us either physically or mentally as calm, soothing, and full of relaxation. If you've ever taken a hot bath, lit some candles, or just read a good book on the couch, you can no doubt speak to benefits of these. But I believe that sometimes, self-care should also be about proving to yourself that you're still capable. You're still strong, still resilient, and still able to do hard things. We can far too easily forget just how much strength lies inside of us, both physically and mentally. A couple months of less gym time, more stress, and less nutritious food can lead us to believe that we've lost the majority of any willpower, muscle, or fortitude that we had. While some muscle tissues may have shrunk a bit during the pandemic, your most powerful source of strength has remained throughout it all: your mind.
Just like our normal muscles need exercise for strengthening, our psyches do too. So that's what I set out to do on Saturday. I'll keep my description of it short, as what I did wasn't that important. I picked a steep hill near my house and ran up and down it for six hours straight. I took short breaks throughout, brought a bunch of fruit to keep my glucose levels high, and was saved by my roommate a couple hours in who brought me a big salt shaker to replenish minerals that I was sweating out. And indeed, I almost succeeded at my goal of breaking myself. There was a point about halfway through where it was raining, I was hurting, and I thought about how no one besides my roommate would ever know I quit.
Besides me.
And that didn't sit well. So I finished. And just as I was counting down the final minutes, the sun started shining like it hadn't all day. A congratulations from Mother Nature, possibly, or just payback for how much rain she dumped on me earlier. I checked my average times in my Strava app after I finished; my last ten minutes were the fastest I went all day.
I did all of this for only one reason: to see if I could. I had absolutely no idea if I would be able to finish when I started, and almost talked myself out of starting numerous times before I even drove to the hill that morning. Checking the forecast days before, I knew it was going to rain. I knew I would miss a training session with my Muay Thai team, and my roommates and I were having a socially-distanced bonfire the night before. Plus about a million other excuses.
But this is where the self-care comes into play. It would have been easy to quit or to not even start. But I would have been doing a disservice to myself by not seeing if I was capable. By not doing the hard stuff, we actually end up making it harder for ourselves in the long run. Our external possessions certainly matter, but when times get tough the things that we have on the inside are the ones that are truly important. Not the big TV, the fancy clothes, or the car in the driveway that can take you to buy more material objects. Our minds, spirits, and capabilities are the most important belongings we own.
I encourage you to practice self-care sometime soon, and by whatever means necessary. If your hard thing is running a mile, doing ten pushups, or simply making a difficult recipe, please, go for it. There's no wrong way to start, and everyone's limits are different. But see if you can prove to yourself that you can still do the hard things. That you're still capable. That you can still thrive. And that you have more potential in you than you will ever really know. But it's worth trying to find that edge. You might never be the same again.
"A Single Seed" is my attempt to get out one idea every day that I've learned or accumulated over the years, with the hope that it may stick in someone else's memory bank as well. The idea may be related to fitness, business, life, or philosophy, but I think you'll find that many can change domains if you wish them to. With each seed planted, a new life awaits.
Image credit: Me!
