Every time I pray, I pray that may God make me an instrument to bless other people. To all the blessings I am receiving, I want to share them to others. I asked God for a chance to make that happen.
Then one day, our neighbor asked for help from me. She was borrowing money. It started with 1000 pesos and promised to return it after a week. As promised, she came back after a week. She returned the money. I felt happy because I was able to help. God gave me the chance to help.
Then just a few days later, she was asking for help again, asking me for a bigger amount of 2000. I lend her the money and she promised me that she will return it after a week. Came the next week, she returned the money. But in the same day, in the afternoon, she was there again, borrowing money an amount of 4000. She told me she had to pay for her son's monthly payment for their motorcycle. She promised to give me the money back after 3 days. On the third day, she was there, gave me 1,500.00 and told me that she will pay the remaining in the end of the month.
My thoughts were that I felt bad about her situation. I wanted to help. Few days later, she was there again, asking if she could borrow another 2000 pesos because her kids had school projects. I lend her the money with a letter I wrote to make her realized that something's wrong was going on. She came back to me telling that she cried reading the letter. And told me that she was also stressed.
Time passed by, our transactions went to a year and her borrowed money reached to more than 10,000 pesos. I did not ask for any interest. I just wanted to help her with the though that she can pay me. Of course, she was unable to pay. She even asked me to keep it a secret to my family which made me feel more stressed about my situation. She even told me that she will commit suicide if ever people will know that she has debts in me. I did not feel pity about the suicide thing. I felt pity on to my self actually, as on how I fell to her bait.
I had little income. Although my husband is working abroad, I am just a thrifty wife who saves money for the future. I also had debts to pay at that time. That Sari Sari Store, I had to pay the items in it to my mom-in-law. I know, people might think we are well-off, can afford, etc. But that is all because my husband worked hard for it. They did not know we had debts. I do not look rich. I just buy the cheapest items for my self and for my daughter. I was also making things as much as possible simpler, so to avoid too much expenses. I buy things when needed. I paid all our debts before even thinking of buying the things I want. I saved a little and put it to bank directly.
I just felt I was deceived. I overthinked the situation and experienced a lot of pain inside my self. Oftentimes, my stomach ached due to stress. I know, that happens everytime when I am experiencing something bad. My body became weak. All the things I worked hard for for almost a year in my small Sari Sari Store had gone to nothing. She was never a relative to me for me to just give away my money. She promised me. I worked hard to earn that money. I never got enough time for my daughter just to earn money from my small store.
The ending of my story, my husband decided that we will not continue our small store. I did not tell him about the money I lent to our neighbor so to minimize my stress. I just let it pass, thinking that I can earn the money from online. Asking her to pay her debts to me knowing that she would later tell me she had no money to pay would just be more painful for me. I focused on our daughter who recently was diagnosed as having ASD or autism spectrum disorder. I am studying now. A year passed and she still does not pay me. What shall I expect from her now. She is in fact even asking me again if she can borrow money. The last time was 200 and I just left her. With out a word, I left her like I did not hear anything. I felt I am just making my self even more stressed if I will give in again to her bait.
To my prayers, I am still asking God to make me an instrument to help other people, but not in terms of money. There are even more ways to help other than lending them money. It was my fault that I helped too much, thinking that I was helping. but it was not helping her actually. I just knew now, she was borrowing money to cover her debts with interests from lending institutes. She gained more debts reaching to hundred thousands of pesos. If only I just teach her to practically earn and spend money, then she could not have lead into that path..
