I never thought this would happen to me especially at this age. These past 2 months is soul crushing to be honest. I've been trying to sleep for four hours now. Been reading some stuff on the internet wishing that I could fix myself.
My abilities has been questioned a lot lately and nothing seems right. I know someone is trying to chase me out it's quite normal human nature in this world 🌍 but this was another level.
It's draining me so much to the point I can't do my absolute best. Never thought I could be weak again and they succeeded. just want to get this out of my head and my chest because it's eating me alive unfortunately.
Maybe a lot has changed recently with the transfers, I'm moving partition gonna live somewhere else soon, my business currently not moving I guess I marketed it wrongly or it's the wrong platforms. All projects are on hold because I just don't have time I'm either too tired or still at work.
I guess this is the problem I don't have time for myself anymore. Even writing this right now is sacrificing my sleep time so I will sleep less afterwards unfortunately basically there is no choice but to leave. I'm so tired starting over again but there is no other choice it seems. Time to pack up and move on to the next area.
The pain is too much these days I can't even describe it. It's too heavy 🪨 I guess it's time to speak with a friend and ask for help time to humble myself and ask for help.
I need to accept that I'm not the best anymore at what I do. Yea I work harder than anyone but knowledge wise I'm far behind I'm just a jack of all trades but I am the master of nothing. Not sure how many years left in me but the fear of being unusable is terrifying didn't know I have fear. not fear of man or women just fear of self uselessness.
So many questions in my head I start taking the first step but another transition is really hard for me currently too much has changed around me I couldn't adapt fast enough.
I surrender myself to you God 🙏 I don't do this often but now I truly need the help. Show me how to proceed because I don't feel secure anymore. Thank you.
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