I have two people in my life who couldn’t be more different in a very important thing. Two extremes. One is looking into a concave mirror, the other in a convex.
The first is one of my best friends, a positive teacher, role model, leading by example, motivating me in more ways than one could imagine, probably more than I realize. The other is a person that I’m stuck with, that will always be there. She’s the opposite, the negative teacher, the anti-role model, helping me see the negative in me through her, the things I want to change because I really do not wish to be like her at all.
If I’m asked about her good sides, I struggle to find them. It usually comes down to talents, not virtues. “She is a good cook” is about it – especially now, when she’s extraordinarily challenging. If asked about my friend, I can make a list. Which is interesting, because we don’t see eye to eye on not a few things, either. But he’s very coherent and open to other opinions and input. Needless to say, she is not.
The interesting thing is – they have both such a different perception of themselves. My friend is struggling with his self, and hence always working on it, improving step by step. I honestly never met someone who is so constant in that. And it shows, though he himself sometimes can’t see it – I do. I tell him, of course. Especially when he’s in a bad space again. He often asks me about his flaws, talks a lot about them, and seems to be conscious of them all the time.
My anti (let’s call her that) on the other hand presents herself as the best human possible. Maybe one of the few people I know show real narcissism, not the washed-down over-used term that people now throw in other people’s faces when they don’t agree with them. Nothing is ever her fault, everyone else is to blame (especially me), she’s unable to apologize, she’s probably unable to even feel that she did something wrong. She twists the world and facts the way that suits her views.
My father always said that arrogant people just have low self-esteem. That they don’t value themselves, so they pretend to be something better. Others have to belittle the rest for whatever reason, turn them into demons or losers, to feel better. The longer I am in this world, the more I agree. It’s a sad realization that the arrogance stands in the way of improvement. If someone convinces themselves so much that they’re the best and the world is at fault, there’s just nothing one can do.
The same goes for the opposite. One can convince oneself that they’re just the worst, undeserving, not good in any way, that all the bad happening in the world is for one’s own fault. That can be equally paralyzing. It can be equally hard to build real self-esteem and self-value from that position as it is from a position of faking it until believing it.
I think my friend is a very brave man. He was the latter. Still is to an extend, but instead of giving into self-loathing, he decided to work on himself. Every day. He’s crawled out of the hole so much that even when he slips in crisis, he does not go back down to zero. Maybe falls a meter or two, but then grabs another root to hold on to, take a deep breath, and start crawling again, fingers bleeding, sand in his eyes, dirt all over. He’s admirable, and I learned so much from him.
My anti can’t. She isn’t even able to take that decision anymore. She doesn’t have any of the tools. Self-reflection being the most important one, but her mirror is opaque. Sanded. She’s not even able to realize her flaws anymore, nor is she able to even want to change. And each day, in my thoughts, I hope for a miracle to happen, so she can. Even after everything that she has done to me, I’d love her to be happy. But she’s stuck in misery, and I’m stuck with her.
They are, each in their own way, both my mirror.
What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI, as well as read your own experience and point of view, I love to learn!
