Last weekend, on a Saturday, I accompanied Ellie and Kami to a party. Ellie and I had found a huge amount of red flags regarding that party, and it would be the first party at big scale for Kami. Since Ellie didn’t want to go alone, I decided to skip the birthday party of a friend and be there for them. Mainly, because Ellie wouldn’t go into the space, but wait outside. And it was announced to be a very remote space.
First red flag: Location
The location was to be announced the same day through a group chat. It had already been talked about that it would be a “place where the police wouldn’t arrive.” Former parties of that style had been disrupted by the police. Remote places in Ecuador are usually with bad or no streetlights, and bad or no cellphone service at all, meaning no data, either. For Ellie and I, that did not inspire confidence.
Nor did the group chat.
800 people in there. For one, that many people for a first party for Kami was a little over the top. She doesn’t have the experience nor the social circle within the group to make us feel that she would be taken care of in any case. Also, we were told that the party was being organized by a group of young people, barely 17 or 18 years old. Or so the rumor says, in the end we never found out. There was to be private security (which there was), but in a case of an emergency – even I in that age wouldn’t know how to control a crowd or avoid a stampede or organize a place that has a good distribution of emergency exits, and limit the amount of people accordingly.
Especially if there’s alcohol.
It was promoted as a party for younger people, but there would be alcohol. Now, Kami knows that she shouldn’t drink because of a medical condition, which is good. But that doesn’t account for the rest of people. On top, the cases of drugged girls and women for sexual abuse are seeming to augment here, plus the rising influence of drug cartels and hence the influx of drugs in general.
It did not sound good at all.
Hence the compromise. We want Kami to collect experiences, to meet new people – and to feel supported. We would wait outside in the car, munching snacks and having a beer plus conversations, while she would party until 11pm. She would report every certain time. Plus a few other rules her mom established.
So we went.
As expected, the place was very remote, and there was almost no parking. Private security was there, the music was actually quite good, and people started arriving. No cellphone reception at all, so it would be hard to check in. Kami was to go in to find her friend, and then signal us from the gate that she found her. So she went in. And we waited. And waited. It was crowded and a little dark, so it would’ve been hard to find the friend. All cool.
Sirens.
We didn’t know if that was part of the party, or real sirens. Then the music stopped. And the lights went out. So Ellie went in. More and more people started to arrive, all “mocosos” as we call them here, young adults. But they stayed outside. The word “police” was used a lot. Then Ellie came out, overly agitated. Kami was sitting in the detention bus of the police in charge of protecting children.
Well, crap.
Ellie got the their IDs and went in again. It’s good we were there, so she was able to say that she was at the same party, taking care of Kami, and get her out of the bus and back into the car. Her friend though wasn’t. Since her friend is half German and speaks the language, I went in to pose as her uncle, but another friend had already gotten her out. So off we went.
What a great experience!
For Kami. She aimed to high, didn’t want to acknowledge the signals that Ellie and I were seeing and telling her about, and luckily we were there to get her out. Next time she’ll hopefully be more careful. And we can relax a little more. With each experience she makes, she’ll grow, and we can lean back a little. That’s why I’m going to a self-defense course with her, which is a little boring to me, but for her it’s gold. With every week, she’ll be more confident, more knowledgeable, and I’ll be more relaxed.
It’ll never be 100%.
That’s not a thing. There’s always risk, and just by living here, especially young women are at risk. But with every time she gets hurt in a controlled environment, she’ll learn a little about what to look for. What to be aware of. What to be prepared for.
She’s growing up.
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