I had a discussion today about how little pebbles in your path can trip you up sometimes and make you feel like you just stumbled over a mountain. It came up because I recently said some things that in retrospect were probably not particularly wise. What's done is done and while I can't undo it, I can change my attitude surrounding the little pebbles going forward.
While I listened to the voice of reason, I felt a sense of guilt at my emotional immaturity at that particular point in time. I suppose some triggers have that effect on me and while I am no stranger to being triggered, I have over the years worked really hard on how I do or don't react to negative stimuli. In this particular instance, I let it get the better of me. Needless to say it spoiled a good portion of a day for me which I now regret as that time and energy could have been better spent and you don't ever get time back.
After the catch up, I had a good think about this person and how much they have had a positive influence on me the last six to eight months and how much brilliant advice, insight, perspective and thought they have shown me, how steadfast they have been, I was quite humbled by it.
Then I zoomed out and thought about my entire life - sure things haven't been great some of the time for me, we all have times when things are not ideal (and anyone who claims otherwise is probably lying), but overall I've actually done ok I reckon. I was a diligent student, did pretty well academically and I was the first person in my family to get a University Diploma, later adding a Degree to that. I paid for my own studies for the first three years and motivated through my employer for a bursary for my Degree which came with requirements of a good pass rate or I'd have to pay my employer back. I aced them and graduated Cum Laude top of my class.
When I say this, I'm not bragging - I worked my ass off to achieve it. I was studying part time and working full time and I was highly dedicated. This dedication came with sacrifices but also provided me with the opportunity to pursue my dream career, something that not everyone gets to do.
I have been exceptionally fortunate to have worked in some of the most beautiful natural areas in Cape Town, with the most epic people. I've handled hundreds (if not more) of wild animals from butterflies to bats, otters to big cats and even a hippo or two. I fought wildfires on the slopes of almost all of our mountains, slept in the soot left behind and had sewerage water dropped on me by bambi bucket from a helicopter. Speaking of helicopters, I've had a flight around the peninsula in an South African Airforce Oryx and had a school t-shirt of mine signed by the captain of one of our submarines.
I've re-invented myself professionally at least three times and added new skill sets and abilities to my knowledgebase and I use all of these in everything I do, not just professionally.
Even with the hardships, I made sure to invest time, money and effort into setting up the fundamentals of my current business which I believe is going to be successful - not because it's fancy or anything, but because I'm doing it for the "WHY" as Simon Sinek would say. When I do work for a client, I'm not doing it to just get paid, I'm doing it to help provide value to that person and their presence online. What I provide doesn't claim to be super special or exclusive...it's simple, functional, aesthetically pleasing and affordable. I like to think that by making it a user friendly experience that I walk them through, it takes away a lot of the intimidation of taking the plunge. And you know what? If it's not successful, I'll try again and do something else, only better.
I used to be absolutely petrified of failing at anything - but I've learned that failure is part and parcel of success and if you learn how to deal with failure and pick yourself up afterwards, dust yourself off and keep going, then I don't even think you can call it failure, it's resilience training in jack in the box packaging.
There was a time of my life where I truly believed that I couldn't have a child, but along came my daughter Lory in 2017. She is a huge part of my life and I love her to absolute bits. I live, laugh and play every day and I get to be child-like with her. We now live in one of South Africa's most prized locations. I've been pretty good at resolving issues and forging a way ahead without getting too bogged down by the gunk along the way. I had a LOT of help recently in this regard and for that I am exceptionally grateful. My family and loved ones have shown me time and again that even when I've been at my lowest, they still love and care for me, even when my circumstances were getting the better of me at times.
I've had the most amazing mentors in my life who have taught me humility, honour, courage and all importantly - the ability to keep my sense of humour when faced with life's lemons.
So yes, there have been challenges and hardships, but I feel that in the last six months I have created some good momentum to keep ploughing ahead and I'm actually proud of myself. Life is funny that way, sometimes all the crappy things end up leading you to much better things and I can truly say that even though there are still many challenges ahead, I'm grateful for the good stuff I have right now and get to experience every day.
Sometimes a perspective shift is all it takes to change a mindset. I set aside twenty minutes to go through some of my old photos today and that alone made me smile. I've lived a very eventful life so far and I've got some cool stories to tell from along the way. That might not be everyone's idea of a good life (I've never been one for fame or fortune) but a full, well lived life? That's good enough for me and I'll keep moving forward, that's the only direction I plan to go.
Ranger Andy
All photographs are my own
