Eat Fresh. That’s what they’d like to you believe when you go into a SUBWAY sandwich hut. Think outside the box. Don’t get fast-food. Don’t get fat… come eat our hoagies and make your life better.
We all remember Jared and his getting-all-thin-then-being-a-pervert-just-like-we-knew-he-was ways. But did he really lose all those pounds like that? You believe that shit?
Obviously, it’s fairly easy to accept that NOT eating fried potatoes, chunks of chicken and greasy hunks of meat, is PROOOOOOBABLY good for you. But just because they don’t serve that shit there, does that make it healthy?
As Kieran Culkin’s character “Wallace” so famously says in SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD, when Scott says he’s eat bread every day, “You’d get fat.” Because as poor Scott comes to learn… bread makes you fat.
So is cramming an 8 inch diameter, foot long log of carbo-happy bread of varying colors and densities, really that good for you?
And let’s talk about the meat. The joke has always been that it’s all just dyed turkey with the only real variation being the roast “beef.” But now they have these chicken chunks and as of press time today, this writer can tell you that while seasoned well, and topped with all the free veggies I could ask for, the “chicken” is just too damn soft. The consistency is all wrong. It’s like some chicken substitute meant for the toddlers and the elderly.
It ain’t right dammit.
But what do you think? Is it a healthy alternative to the fat fuck meals of the major fry-em-if-you-got-em chains?
Is it just a bread den like you might find next to a the seediest heroin joint in 1940’s Chinatown?
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