Depression isn't something that happens in a day, it builds up overtime and before you know it's mighty enough to take someone down.
My life took a turn when I started school years back. It was beautiful even though I didn't like associating with many people. The few I chose to talk to were the ones who came to me first because I could never find myself sparking a conversation with anyone because I was shy and reticent. I had brains which made my teachers love me and this went on till I got to highschool. That was where my life took a big u-turn.
It happened that in the class I was in, when a teacher asked a question none of the students ever attempted to answer, I didn't find that appealing so I had to change that situation and began answering questions in class which also made the teachers love me above others and used me as an example to them.
Little did I know that I had given them a reason to prey on me because I was brilliant, they conspired to bully me, I don't know how many but quite a lot of them did.
On my way back from school one day, a group of boys cornered me and gave me the beating of my life. After the beating, they left me a note which read; "star of the class my left ass". That was when I knew that they had finished cooking their plan and it was time for implementation.
I went back home that day with a black eye, my mom asked me what had happened but the reticent me refused to say anything and that was how the bullying continued. The boys almost raped me along the isolated path I take home as my house then was up the hill and I had to walk through the woods. Luckily, there was a hunter around, he had this shotgun with him which he used in threatening the boys. That was how I was left alone. They had ripped my clothes and I was left with a little covering. I thanked the hunter but I couldn't walk, my legs were numb. The good man put me on his shoulder and took me home.
He narrated the incident to my mom and she thanked him. When he was gone, my mom tried to get me talking but I couldn't say anything other than I'm not going back to school. I hated myself for being brilliant, I began wishing to I dumb and associable with people. I hated everything about me. I also hated life.
Different thoughts crept into my head and slowly depression was taking over, I got so lean and everytime my mom saw me she'd cry and beg me to change. I contemplated suicide and one day I almost did but my mom caught me quite on time. She took the pills I wanted to drown away and a month later we moved to town because she felt I needed a therapist.
The change of environment to me was nice, I felt maybe my adversaries were a little farther but it still didn't change anything, the scenarios of me returning home countless times with a black eye kept playing in my head. I hated going outside to meet men, the moment I saw a man, I'd run back indoors. I hated them with everything in me but my mom swore to change that. She got me a male therapist which was quite irritating at first.
During the sessions with him, I'd trembled and I made sure to maintain distance. Along the line of having him around and getting to hear some thoughtful words of encouragement, I began speaking to myself too because if I didn't speak to myself or let those beautiful words sink in, my life would remain in shambles.
I had to recognize that it was bullying that influenced me to depression, I did let it take a toll on me otherwise it wouldn't have, yeah I know I wasn't a social person from start but at least I wasn't so shy to speak up in class, I didn't hate myself neither did I contemplate suicide or hate school the way I later did so the same way my mind crawled all those things was the same way I let it crawl the positive things.
At some point I began smiling again, my countenance changed and my therapist told me he liked my improvement. He started coming around with books which I'd read with pleasure because of its richness. He said beautiful things to me; he told me it was okay to be an introvert but I shouldn't let it take the better part of me. He also said it wasn't bad for my circle of friends to be small and I liked that because I never saw myself to be that girl who'd want a hundred friends around. He taught me how to own down my feelings, it did help me relieve the pain I must say.
I did like my therapy session and I improved. My mom was happy to see my improvement so she helped me secure a job close to home. My boss loved me even though I was reserved. I talked less but I did my job skillfully.
The Good part is I made a friend there, she became my best friend and she's really nice. We share almost the same story just that she got over hers by realizing that when a person is vulnerable, people tend to take advantage of them. She became the hard girl who no longer took shit from no one.
She invited me to her taekwondo classes which I found interesting and participated fully. Now I'm happy with how my life is. I have a friend, still an introvert but with a smile.
To my beautiful readers, one thing I'd like to let you know is that;
The life in front of you is far more important than the life behind you.
Joel Osteen
