You are the only one who stays even if I don't ask you to
I am so used to having you around that constantly I feel like I am you, or you are me, I’m not sure.
And there it begins, the self-doubt.
You make me feel like I’m not sure about anything anymore.
You pull me up and down like a boomerang, but sometimes I feel like I’m not coming back.
Now you are the best friend of insomnia and depression and all of you are there to make me feel the oppression.
I yelled at your whispers in my mind but even like that you are too laud.
Maybe I can let you win some battles, but I will never lose the war.
The war that I have against myself
against you.
I can feel you reaching for
my bones
my lungs
my flesh
dismembered
but I will conquer all those places where you want to live.
I’m not giving up
I’m not letting you take me down.
I’ve been here for too long too
more than I ever imagine to.
I have been through hell and I survived
I won this war time after time.
We can have some conversations, I know that you don’t want to go away, you too are to use to me too.
Let’s walk together but away
let’s be separated
please let me breathe.
I’m too tired too keep running from you knowing that you will always catch up.
I’m talking nonsense I know, but so are you.
The waves are crashing down on my brain
those waves you send against me.
The scars on
my arms
my legs
my stomach
my mind
living proof of all the times you broke me up
But me
me being alive is the best reward.
I remember that time you almost won, I was starving not only for food.
I took too many sleeping pills and throw them up.
And when I looked to the mirror I wasn’t there, it was you.
I felt like shrinking but now I’m big, in every sense that I can be.
I struggle too much to shut you down.
I’ve been knocked up by you.
But now I will start to defeat you.
I will save me from myself;
