The pandemic started last year. I was stuck in a small room alone. I was afraid to go out because of the virus and the quarantine pass is limited. One week of not being able to go out; I started panicking. Who would have thought that this was gonna happen. I'm so stressed, I don't know what to do. I'm not a person who's fine staying at home, not for a day.
I got to the point where I'm talking with myself and asking when do you think this pandemic is gonna last? I could not answer. I was trying to keep myself calm and swear that I would take it easy, and even convinced myself not to worry, cause this was just temporary. I tried to stay positive, but every night I couldn't sleep. I can't stop thinking that this is the end of the world. What am I going to do? I'm not ready. It's not acceptable.
The month before the pandemic, I applied to work for Taiwan because I wanted to live there for a while. I got accepted. I was waiting for the company to tell me to fly. When the pandemic started, I was very negative about everything. When the company called me to fly, I rejected the opportunity because I'm scared to go; I'm scared to get the virus and die. I choose to be stuck here in the city alone.
It was too hard. I cried every night in my silence. I have no one to talk to. My family lives in the province. My only way to talk to them by calling them through the phone. It was weird in a way that I'm not a person who likes to talk via phone. I started calling them every day. We talked about life before the virus came; we imagined normal life. This way brings me closer to my family because for so many reasons I fell apart from them since I lived independently.
Lesson learned about how important communication is to your family but also how important to communicate with your friends. It was a good feeling to know that they'd be there for you during your downtime. I always have a different perspective regarding family relationships because most of the time I have myself. On the other hand, regardless of what had happened before the pandemic, my love for my family was always there.
Moving forward, with each passing day, I'm getting a little bit more stressed. Because of my passion to travel, I distracted myself to watch travel videos on YouTube just to kill the time, to stop thinking about the time.
I miss going out of the country to explore the places, the food and culture. And also I miss meeting new people. I'm not sure what to do with my life. I got a little bit confused.
I tried to do business online since most of the companies switched to the digital world. I did the business registration for an online clothing shop, and then I shop stuff for my future Cafe without thinking that I'm not earning anything for the moment and I forgot to remind myself that I'm living with my savings. Because I'm confident that I could make it work, I did take the risks.
But then I pause because I can't do it. Knowing that everything is going to be slow. So I started panicking and got anxious. Even though I was negative, I tried my best to stay positive So I could move on, but it got worse. I'm now battling anxiety on and off. My body and brain are affected by the fact that I don't know what to do with my life.
I'm trying to be okay even if I'm not okay. Later before year end, I got a job. I keep myself busy with work. I got back the positive mindset and lived my life as it is normal.
To be continued...
