Apr 16
Parents and Pete went away for the weekend and I was allowed to stay home, although mum tried hard to get me to come with them. I did some chores in the morning and watched videos and went shopping with Yuki in the afternoon. Of course the plan was to have a sleepover! We cycled around the city centre and I was happy with the shopping I did. Once home we cooked dinner and sat down to have it at 9. It was nice but we had made too much. Yuki was quite sleepy but we did listen to music and it was fun. At some point I turned the TV on to see if there is anything interesting on and we came across a show where women danced while undressing (for money). That was disgusting! It is funny now this event was described with just one and a half sentences in my diary and yet I remember it clearly and it has definitely affected my sexuality in the future. It is amazing and a little scary how impressionable children are... After that I dreamed of naked people and Yuki said she dreamed about our English teacher driving a car while kissing with his wife and not looking at the road.
Apr 22
I watched music shows on TV in the morning. N'Sync's song was on the 1st place in the countdown. Then we went to electronics shop with Yuki and her parents. She bought a computer software that lets you change the hair colour in photos. I was looking for a voice recorder and found one I liked but they had sold out. Later in the day I went over to Yuki's to play with her new software but she had some other girls over and the software wasn't loading and it wasn't that entertaining. I noticed a very strange thing... Yuki was wearing a bra!! How disgusting! I was not expecting this from her. That must be why she has been wearing thick clothing... I wonder, isn't she disgusted with herself? I am a little glad that she is first between us. Actually she mentioned lately that she hopes to grow big. Argh it's even disgusting just to write about it! I Had a massive issue with puberty... I was flatly refusing that it is bound to happen. Made me struggle a lot over the next few years.
Apr 25
Mum and Pete left for Russia to visit her parents. I have to go to school. We had a PE class where we have to be in a T-shirt and I did not want to. I was mortified about not being perfectly flat anymore and could not fathom anyone noticing it. In the morning before school, while everyone was asleep, I made something out of mum's old pantyhose. It looked alright. But right before the class the thing slid down and I did not have time to adjust it. So I had to run as I was. Have to think of something... Basically it was a narrow tube top kind of thing that was intended to keep me flat. These sort of body/sexuality related issues were so embarrassing to me I even wrote about them in the coded alphabet I had devised myself a few years back so that no one could read it by accident nor even I had to see the words jump out at me. I kept that tradition till early twenties. At the art club I attend after the classes there was not much to do and I was looking through some art albums. I found a very strange picture there. Two women are standing in a bathtub and one of them is holding the other by ... something. I don't even want to mention it. And the description of the painting is disgusting too! They even describe the colour of it! OK, so the it is a nipple. And I feel awkward writing the word now too! That was a weird painting alright. Do not remember what description said but certainly nothing I could make sense of...
Apr 27
In the late evening it hailed. Dad was at a bathhouse and I was home alone. It was so strong the whole apartment block roared. When I looked out to the balcony there was a pile of ice on the floor. It did not last for long though. I watched TV. That was so scary!
Apr 28
At school we worked out the groups for the upcoming trip. Some girls accepted me into their group but I kept getting teary. I suspect I will be left alone as usual.
In my evening English class it was pretty good. Ana (one of my favourite teachers) was in a good mood although she still wears all black after her dad passing a month ago. She said that she dreams about her dad smiling silently every night. Dad took us to for a pizza for dinner.
When I had time after school, I sewed two camisoles together (to make them thicker). Tomorrow we have a PE class and I suspect we'll be running.
