Darien was always happy, he always made me laugh even in the moments where smiles seemed to have no place. Everyone wanted to be with him because he really knew how to have a good time, filling all of us with joy. He was also a great party boy, every weekend he would have a get together at his house and the atmosphere was conducive to have a few drinks, dance and enjoy ourselves.
He was my best friend, I was very shy and loved solitude, he was an expert at getting me out of my comfort zone and integrating me into the group. I really felt safe with him, as a friend he complemented me in many ways. We not only went to parties, we also went to the beach, to the movies, to the theater and to the park.
He was also very lovey-dovey, he never lacked a boyfriend, he loved to go from skin to skin. You never saw him suffer for anything, much less for an unrequited love, he never seemed to look back, nor ahead, he was always in the here and now.
One night, like every weekend, he invited me to his house. This time there was no group of friends, no liquor and no loud music. He told me he was a little sad because this time he really felt in love, seriously, with a guy he had just met, but this guy was just playing with him.
He told me he wanted to spend the night with his best friend, me, watching movies, talking, eating and laughing. When I arrived, I saw a stack of comedy movies waiting for us.
We laughed our heads off, looked up memes on Instagram and just kept having fun, ordered pizza and soda and stayed up all wee hours of the morning.
Just at the moment of the morning twilight he suggested me to go to the terrace to watch the sunrise between many laughs and a cup of coffee well concentrated to keep us awake.
I asked him what his secret was for being so happy and he told me that he didn't always feel full of joy and that he often faked it until it felt natural, that he was always looking for things that made him laugh, like the movies and memes we had just seen.
We were silent for a moment and I asked him if he was afraid of death, to which he replied:
“If you knew that's what I fear the most, that's why I always try to walk around happy, we don't know when it's our turn or when we will enjoy our last cup of coffee, I enjoy every sip whoever I'm with, I hope death takes me smiling to at least make her laugh too, if it's possible, after all, it's the only sure thing we have.”
Then between yawns, she added:
“I love you friend, I love making you laugh. Before, when I saw you so serious and isolated my greatest desire was to make you smile, first it was just a challenge, then it became one of my greatest pleasures.Now, let me sleep for 5 minutes, I'm seeing stars in the dawn light.”
Sitting up, he leaned on my back while my back leaned on his, we fell asleep.
I woke up when about an hour had passed, but Darien did not open his eyes again. He died suddenly, it seems he had a problem with his heart.
I later found out that he knew this could happen at any time but never told anyone.
Of course I miss him.
I try to make myself believe that he has simply slept longer than I have, that someday I will see him again outside of my dreams because he always comes to visit me in other dimensions and he is always smiling and raising his coffee cup, we look at each other and he says "you know, like it's the last one".
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