Homemade Mayonnaise

I posed my eggs, squeezed my lemons, sprinkled my salt, finagled my olive oil and then took some photos. Out came something that resembled frothy beer and smelled like beans. I so don’t got this. And I’ve included my frothy beer and smelly bean mayonnaise photos way at the bottom. I didn’t want anyone to feel neglected.

Back to the drawing board. Rather than waste my precious sea salt and lemon juice the second time around, I put those babies aside and just grabbed the yolks, the oil and my daughter. She’s not a baby. Well, technically she’s still my baby but in really big shoes.

Important: Pour In Oil Very Slowly
Her job was to pour the oil while I appointed myself the whisk-master. And just so you know, before you start this homemade mayonnaise, you better be a body builder with biceps the size of Sylvester Stallone’s. Yes, I know he’s almost seventy but I swear his biceps are still about forty.

So I whisked… and whisked… and whisked. Right before my arm fell off, there it was… vanilla pudding! Yes, you’ll know if you’ve made mayonnaise correctly because it won’t look like frothy beer but rather vanilla pudding. And don’t freak out if after it turns into vanilla pudding, you add more ingredients and it appears to be getting lumpy and bumpy. Freaking out is never a good look on anyone. I tell people this all the time.

Just be sure to whisk all the ingredients thoroughly and your vanilla pudding will magically reappear. And having a paper bag handy is always helpful. You know, just in case.

Ingredients

2 eggs
1½ cups extra virgin olive oil
1 tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 pinch of salt
optional: pepper, honey, vinegar or preferred flavor

Instructions

Remove egg whites and place yolks in a mixing bowl.

Prop up bowl on one side and whisk the yolks together.

With oil in one hand and whisk in the other, pour tear-drop sized oil into bowl while whisking the yolks and oil together. If too much oil is poured in all at once, the oil and yolk will not emulsify.