An Awkward Silence

I look so strong
I look way apart.
But let me tell you
I am torn!
I need a reason to start.

Morning, Day, Evening and Night
I think about you when I try
To listen to the unheard plight;
Of my soul, crux and everything that weeps beneath.
There is no way out of this narrow sheath.

I have dreamed of you in my dreams.
I have thought of you in my thoughts.
I have seen you in every illusion
That I confront.
But let me tell you;
Without you,
I am a knife completely blunt.

I remember the days when we used to stand together.
I remember the days when we used to sit together.
I remember the days when we used to eat together.
I remember the days when we used to talk together.
I remember the days when we used to sob together.

I don’t forget the day when we first fought.
I still imagine;
What would have been my first thought!
I don’t really forget the moments
When we were distraught.
I just can’t forget those shiny pearls;
Our fights, our arguments,
And time-to-time twirls.

It is destiny I think!
But some call it luck
All I know is I am stuck.

Issue me some time.
Let me revitalize myself and every neuron that has an impulse on everything that I carry.
I feel myself ditched
On the contrary!

Why is it that I forget to see the sun every morning;
I forget to look out of the window;
I forget to worry and think about myself;
I forget to blink my eyes;
I forget that I’m a human;
Why? Why do I?

I’ve had it enough!
I’m not gonna take this bluff
As something insanely rough.

I will try to move on.
I will try to embellish my life like glittering tiaras in heaven.
I will try to accomplish my goals.
I will try to be the person that people want.
I will try to achieve everything in life.
I will achieve success.
I will start everything from a different end
Of the life that has been forced
To be callous and simply bend.
I will do everything that my mind says.

I will never cry again.
And definitely!
I will never make
This atrocious blunder again!

But wait!
There’s something that pumps inside this body worth of trivial importance.
Yes, it’s the tiny organ!
It’s trying to say something.
Please forgive me!
Please forgive me!
But!
This time let me listen to thee!

The only thing that I want is an awkward silence.
A silence that is more silent than silence and my melancholy.
A silence that is unbiased and jolly!
People say that a person dies to be born again!
People say that a person dies to be born again!
Let me die this time.
Let me die this time.
I will come again, my friend.
To live life
And to die again!

This poem is a part of "Oblivious Randomness", a collection of poetry by Udyan Sharma.