My mom has taken this tougher than I could have imagined. I expected there to be an adjustment period but I can't fathom the agony she feels: Complicit for my illicit behavior.
"Are you going to feed the homeless today," I ask as my mom answers the phone from her slumber.
"What time is it," she yawn-responds while apparently looking at her phone. "Yeah, in a while."
"Nice... I volunteered with the homeless this past weekend."
"Oh...with a church."
"No."
"Are you going to find a church home???"
My mom is very religious. A by the book Christian if I was to label her. Prior to my announcement of my transition, she harped on me weekly about not having a church home in my new habitat. Since I went public with my announcement, that is her only request because I have obviously become one with the sin of the world.
Following a brief conversation about church, I bring up Tavis Smiley. I haven't heard my mom's perspective on Tavis or any of the other celebs/media members embroiled in controversy lately. Not surprisingly, she's most disgusted with Matt Lauer (holding out hope that Tavis Smiley is proven innocent).
The conversation is nearing an hour. This hour feels like the best gift I could have received. A simple conversation about the world with no attacks at me.
This is how the conversation ends, however:
"My only issue with Colin (Kaepernick) tweeting that he wants to be apart of the group to buy the Panthers is it mocks everything he's fought for...in their minds," I exclaim. "Its divisive and can sabotage his legacy if done in this manner."
"Hmm," my mom whispers and takes a few seconds before speaking."Speaking of divisiveness, how do you think we feel when people ask us about your Instagram."
Before I can get a quality huh out in response...my mom uses an analogy that has baffled me for months now:
"How would you feel if I became a prostitute and posted pictures to Instagram?"
"Ma, that doesn't corre-" I try top talk but she wants to play call and response now
"And how are you paying for hormones? How much does that stuff cost"
"Insurance. Its just picking up prescriptions."
"And how are you going to pay for surgeries?"
"I haven't decided what surgeries I want yet or if I want them."
"How are you going to be a woman with [redacted]?!
"Not everyone has bottom surgery ma and there are various reasons why. In addition, some people have accidents where there genitalia is compromised, does that make them any less of their gender?"
"Good point."
I've never heard my mom stand down in regards to this subject. I'm excited but horrified as I know she's going for the jugular.
"You're so smart and talented...and all of that will die with you. You'll never leave a legacy. It all ends with you. When I see my sister's grandkids, I realize you'll never give me that. I don't know when I'll be ready to see you. Its tough. I might not ever be ready to see you."
If I could only bottle those moments before the closing argument.
