This is going to be a strange post, just me thinking out loud about something I don't really understand and stuck in my mind.
Yesterday I had a conversation, that I think I'm not going to forget easily. On my way to my destination, I bumped into a lady I've known almost all my life. She's the mom of my childhood friend and even though we cross path every now and then and greet each other, we rarely stop for a chat. I guess people grow apart in time but that's just how it looks as the respect and love is still there, even after so many years.
Yesterday we stopped for a chat, to catch up on life and what I learned from her not only surprised me but made me think a lot.
She's a widow, she lost her husband four years ago. I went to the funeral to pay my respect, as that's the least you can do and remember everything about that day, even if it was four years ago. I guess with some things you just do. It's scary though, how I could describe with high precision how things happen that day.
Anyway, after exchanging the necessary pleasantries, she told me she's facing some health issues, which is expected at her age, but nothing major, compared to others who are bedridden for years or facing other
major health issues.
She has two daughters and a grandson, all living with her, so she's taken care of and almost never alone. She told me how much she misses her husband, which is understandable as they lived so many decades together, then she told me how difficult it was for her when the family went abroad for a holiday for a week and that she had an emotional collapse during that week.
It was heartbreaking to know she had to go through this emotional drama, so I asked her why didn't she phone me, to go help with whatever she needed, but it turns out she had help from neighbors she knew all her life, but she was suffering because she missed the family. When they got home, she told them what happened and made them promise whatever happens, next time they leave her with the grandson.
At that point I tried to control my emotions and not show the surprise on my face and was somehow relieved that none of my older relatives is like that.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm happy to help elderly people and take care of my relatives, but this is something different and not in a good way. She's still in a good shape, and even though she's not fit to fly anymore, she can still take care of herself. She's always been the "needy" type, she has been using her minor heart problem to "influence" others, making everyone feel sorry for her. She's the type of person who's always been suffering with hear problems (her words), but she's never been rushed to the hospital, or hospitalized due to it, she just needed her medication here and there.
I was raised to not complain, to try to solve my problems on my own and only ask for help when there's no other way. Most likely her family sees things in a different way and don't think this is a bit strange as when you live like this your whole life, it becomes normal, but is it?
Her grandson is in his early twenties. I have a nephew of the same age and was thinking it would break my heart to know he has to live with this on his conscience, not being able to go on a holiday for a week or two, without feeling guilty of neglecting granny. Basically it wouldn't be a case of neglect as she's still fit to live a relatively normal life on her own, so this is emotional blackmail in my book.
Most likely it's more convenient and easy for her to prioritize her own emotional well being, then to be happy for her family, to know they can take a break, enjoy a week or two abroad to recharge their batteries, to be able to handle what another year brings.
I don't know about you but I'd always be happy to know my family is going on a holiday and would manage that one week as I can, knowing I'm going to have them for 51 weeks and could never be so needy, but I guess we're all different, which is definitely not a bad thing.
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