Well, I am feeling a lot better than the last few days. I still have no idea what I’m gonna do for work, but I got my mind a little bit better today. I started the day with anxiety and feeling like nothing was going to change. that’ll be another day of hopelessness and depression and anxiety, all mixed together.
But I journeyed out went to a coffee shop that I normally go to and then got coffee and I once again realize that I should probably stay away from coffee from now on and just drink tea. Because the coffee the caffeine makes me way too wired and it gets my mind. Just not great.
From there I left and went to, the mall where I bought a sketchbook because today I filled up the last page of my first sketchbook.
From there I walked home and then went to the gym lifted weights did leg day, I feel like I am getting a lot more from the gym than I used to for some reason. The gym has really been helping my emotions out and they never really, going to the gym never really did that before but I recall.
I went home and expected to just chill at home for the rest of the night but my friend messaged me and asked me if I wanted to go get some food.
We ended up walking all the way to a temple and getting food. There are a couple of things that happened there that I feel embarrassed about and bad about, but once again, it shows that I can trust my friends and not be mean to me, and nobody else with me and to be even though I felt like I was being really stupid.
Now that I’ve recognized my autism, I see how it’s affecting everything and I see why people have so often thought that I was an idiot when in reality, I was just overstimulated and a little bit confused about the rules of how things worked and how I found it hard to do things.
it still hurts a lot to think that the average person maybe the average girl if I got some dates with judge me badly for not being able to be normal and where I’m at here in Thailand, I think they have even less of an understanding of what autism is or could be, so I’m sure they were just think that I was stupid and that really hurts my feelings to think that people Would assume that I just was dumb and that really sucks and it makes me feel very alone.
Even though my friend was nice and doesn’t seem to judge when I do stupid things I still feel alone even around her because she just doesn’t know that I’m even struggling with the problems that I’m struggling with. Well, I went home and ate did some other things and now I’m about to go to sleep.
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