...dear diary, the week must be exhausted from carrying me and my yet-to-retreat anxiety and she's handing me and my burdens to the incoming weekend and I think the fear of what could go wrong won't leave my mental door until I find a solution.
...just like another woman being human, I am looking for the vibrancy locked away in a fading present while hanging by a weak rope over a cliff. Motherhood has elevated itself to among the most insane experiences thanks to its aftermath and my turbulent womanhood.
...who knew that raising other versions of myself would be this hard? But no one said it wouldn't be either so when I get lost like I am, I try to work with what I have. Oh, and there is nothing easy about starting a mission you thought you were halfway through and I have to if I intend on getting what I need.
...as my spiritual feet endure the hell of crossing this bridge differently, my soul has been grazing on poetry in search of much-needed resilience. The mind has been heavily relying on distraction to try and contain an explosion of negative notions that have been trying to smother my light.
...it is difficult to house my past decisions as lessons or joy when all around me is overwhelming darkness and I only have but a glowing spark to guide me. To balance my energy in such a tumultuous emotional frequency is not easy as I tend to lean into overthinking what I cannot control.
...and so I might not be at my personal best and I might also be a bit tempestuous but I plan on trying to stay here where light lives. I hope the universe listens and lets this be the last time I am allowed to slip into this place again.
...or strip me of my remaining pride in a way that I recently did.
...from this episode of adversity, I choose to envision a near future of abundance. I have and shall continue to summon my state of receivership during this shapeshifting season as I embrace what is to enable me to prepare for my preferences.
...how I am hopeful that these words won't fail me. That sad music keeps me company and helps me soothe the discomfort of my triggered self. That the lesson merged into this draining moment in time leaves its footprint on my spirit. How else will I grow to love the scars these wounds will turn into?
...have a better weekend.
...wambuku w.
