I see you have been going through some bittersweet weeks and you can feel the bitterness draining the outlines of your limited grace. The fear of welcoming back the dark unconsciously has had your anxiety itself on alert and I can hear your inner man's guiding echo filling up your headspace in an attempt to chase away the illegal convergence of your deafening doubts.
...my thriving yellow beans and red cowpeas patches.
...don't shout at the crops.
I know that you know that the seeds you recently planted need time, water, warmth and fertile soil to grow. There is no way to force a sprouting crop above the ground other than do what you must as a farmer then let nature takes its own course.
It should be the same with your growth. You have to nurture the pain to enjoy the fruits of the tedious labour that is healing. Give everything you feel your time and in the end, your growth will speak for itself.
...don't blame the crop for not growing fast enough
I am sure your fertile soil has some manure in it. You are armed with some organic fertilizers and some good old pest control. The growth of the plants depends largely on how well they are nurtured as no farmer would blame the malnourished seeds for not growing up to be these healthy-looking vegetables.
How can you then expect your soul to thrive in empty conversations and toxic spaces? The energy you cultivate has a lot to contribute to your emotional stamina and distress... The choice has always been yours.
...don't uproot crops before they've had a chance to grow
I know you are wondering who would do such but every time you deny yourself the opportunity to try something more than once, you uproot what might evolve.
...choose the best plants for the soil
At the beginning of your farming journey, you had to decide what was best to plant on your black cotton soil. The farmer determines what to plant based on the soil as the soil can't be changed positions.
Shouldn't this be the same with your disposition? Your emphatically wired self can't hold every other dying seed in your space. Accumulate only the ones you grow without slowly killing yourself.
...irrigate and fertilise
I am sure you know why nothing grows in the desert or on barren land.
It is like so even with yourself. You can got to fill this cup you keep pouring from. Read something nutritional to your budding spiritual approach. Read for your love of prose. Indulge in poetry and get lost in the fictional worlds in short stories.
...remove weeds
This is a task in itself as you are learning budding veggies and lurking weeds that are impossible to tear apart in the beginning stages of growing food but with time, everything is much clearer.
Keep an eye out for whom you are supposed to weed out from your circles. Human beings change as the seasons themselves and it is quite wise to learn that they do.
...and lastly, remember that you are going to have good and bad seasons - Oh and the weather that can't be controlled...one can only be prepared for it
Being the procrastinator and the perfectionist that you are, this is where your main lessons lie. Like farming, life has its good and bad days. You need to learn how to learn from each and use the lessons to manoeuvre the coming days.
...and I feel like your takeaway should be that you can't control everything. As a healing soul or as a farmer. Don't you agree? See you soon.
wambuku w.