...dear diary, the new day has unfolded to eight in the morning and I am enjoying a fresh mango for breakfast and a cup of sugarless black coffee to try and rejuvenate my still very tired body. I don't mind the numb limbs and aching joints one bit though, I went to my farm and then took a three-hour hike through a tea estate.
...it was so necessary and helpful.
...the farm is looking bad though there are a few thriving patches and some handfuls of potatoes to harvest. It has given in to the harshness of the ongoing drought as my mind gave in to the fear of what inflation is doing. I felt to blame for a second as I am lucky to have water in my space as almost everyone else has to wait for the rains.
...the sky doesn't look so promising.
...and so is the likelihood of fuel prices going down any time soon. Something told me I should use what I have which is a space in this community backed with the willingness to work a little smarter to see if I can get myself reconnected with a huge part of myself. I miss being with nature.
...yet the fear of sinking again is there.
...but I think the thought of not having enough food whilst claiming to 'own' my leased farm has become more unbearable. I also need something healthier to worry about. I can't let my mind stray back into prioritizing what I have battled hell for it not to.
...everything is a risk we take, yes?
...as is me daring this again. I am still nursing that bruised newbie farmer ego but something about how unkind the sun has been to my piece of mother earth and this never going away feeling that it holds my freedom tagged on my courage again yesterday. I want to try and infuse the farm with my way of life as it will my quality of life.
...can't stop or rather won't stop.
...if I do, I will be turning my back on a gift that the universe conspired with this community to help me achieve and an opportunity to reduce my load tomorrow in terms of food sustainability. We are already experiencing serious famine in some places of this country as we rely on rain to farm the government never saw the need to invest in water harvesting in a country that relies mostly on agriculture.
...my income can't keep up with the inflation.
...and if I don't find some way to compensate for it will get harder, especially with the skyrocketing food prices. I noticed the fare has gone up too but I still need to do this. What needs to change is my approach and I am sure with time and resilience, it will become a routine that will blend into my future days.
...there is hope.
...and that has always felt warm with every encounter. It stirs some good old motivation that breeds the spell for looking forward to promising times. I don't know how the current wave of stifled resources is going to last but I would like not to be in it for much longer or in the next one.
...wish me luck! :)
wambuku w.
