I'm old enough that I am familiar with the "traditional" role of a man. My wife is old enough that she wonders why I don't fill it better. It is actually kind of funny. My wife is a nurse and as such she has worked long and hard for many years. Between the two of us we have worked hard at our jobs so at home traditional roles were fairly lax.
I was expected to help with the children, feeding, diapers, etc. Housework was shared. I did laundry, washed dishes, vacuumed floors and making food. Just the thought of coming home and expecting my wife to have the house cleaned and dinner ready was ludicrous. For my parents generation? Sure, the man went to work and the wife stayed home, cooked, cleaned and looked after the kids.
I'm not part of that generation....
..... but that doesn't mean my wife doesn't still think in those terms sometimes.
When there is something wrong with the vehicle I often get the "What's wrong with the car?" To which I dutifully say "No idea". Then my wife pulls the "..But you are the man, you should know what's wrong with the car". I'm a Pharmacist. What makes her think I am trained in cars? I think she has bought the notion that MAN=CAR enthusiast. Hahahaha.... Nope. Repair needs to be done in the house? Somehow that became my job even though I know nothing about home repairs.
Now that doesn't mean I won't try. It doesn't mean that some basic maintenance things haven't been learned. I am the person who changes the furnace filters. Makes sure the smoke detectors get their batteries changed. I make sure that the thermostat is working properly, furnace and fireplaces are working properly and so forth. My wife expects the "Man of the house" to do certain things so I try to pick up those chores. Yes, getting the car maintained is one of those jobs..even just filling up the gas tank in her vehicle. Car = Man's work for her/
Another traditional male characteristic is men not showing their emotions and "big boys don't cry".
That is another thing that drives my wife nuts. When we are watching movies, TV shows and other emotional programming she knows that I have a soft heart and will often get teary. I often get the "You are a man, why are you crying". Well, guess what? I'm a human and I have emotions and feelings and I fully expect to experience them. I'm not going to pretend that things don't affect me. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not hurt if I am. I'm not going to blunt my joy when things are good. I'm going to enjoy the life that I'm given and all the feelings that go along with it.
However, that comes with an important caveat. I'm also a Christian and the Bible does give me two important roles. One as a husband and one as a father. Sure it is old fashioned but I try to follow what the Bible says. As a husband it says I am to be the head of the household AND to put my wife's needs as equal to my own. As a father it says that I am to train my children and be a role model for them. That means a lot.
Now when I say "head of the household" that means I should do my very best to make sure I am responsible in my dealings and that I should do things conducive to harmony in the house. It means spending wisely. It means making sure that things get taken care of. It means listening to everyone in the house to make sure that all are heard and that there can be peace. Unfortunately that means that at the end of the day I'm the person who takes the responsibility. Who makes sure doors are locked? Me. Who makes sure lights are out? Me. Who plays mediator when there are troubled times? Me. Who has to play the responsible adult even when he really doesn't want to? Me. Yes, sometimes that also means putting on a strong face for the good of the family even when I'm not feeling it.
For my children it means always being the "adult in the room". I'm supposed to model the man they should become. That means treating my wife well. It means no drunken disorderly behavior. It means doing the right thing even when it sucks. It means showing up, being honest, being responsible, and generally being someone who listens to them and helps them....always. Even when I'd rather be doing almost anything else.
However, it doesn't mean being perfect. My children know 100% that I'm not perfect. I screw up. I make mistakes. I have weak moments...absolutely. Still, as a father I know that if I fall down I have to pick myself up. If I screw up I have to take responsibility to fix things. When I'm weak I have to pull myself back together and keep moving forward. I will never try to show them that I'm some stoic rock who is bigger than life. Maybe my father could do that...but I'm absolutely not him. All I can do is be human and try to show them that I hurt, laugh, and love like everyone else...I ask for help, pick myself up, and keep on striving regardless of what comes my way.
As for the older generation?
My father was absolutely old school. He was the man who went out to work and came home expecting dinner ready and the house cleaned. When he was left to look after the kids? His job was make sure they don't die. If they had a dirty diaper? It would fall to the floor soaking wet before he ever touched it. Crying? Showing emotions? He didn't.
Except when he did...
My father was about my current age when he was diagnosed with bone cancer. He was on serious pain medication which robbed him of his mental acuity. The man who never showed anything other than strength to me admitted he couldn't think as well as he used to. That let him do one thing he never did before...he passed the torch to me saying it was my time and his was drawing to a close. Indeed, he recorded a voice letter to me on a trip from his home to the big city where he was going to get treatment. The thing is...he knew he was going to die. I could hear the tears in his voice as it cracked with emotion. He wanted me to look after my mom and sister. To look after them when he couldn't. I knew something that it took him a lifetime to figure out. There is a time for tears and tears don't always mean weakness. Sometimes they mean loss. Sometimes they mean love. Yes, sometimes they mean the person is scared. A measure of a man isn't if he cries or not -- at least not in my eyes. It's whether or not he keeps on trying when things are hard. If he keeps on doing what he should even when other paths are much easier. If he shows up for those he loves even when they don't love him back (teenagers suck).
Thanks for reading down this far. Always appreciate eyes on the post and comments on whether or not I got it right. For this prompt though? I care nothing about whether a man cries or not. Men have feelings so why not show them? To me it is far more important that the man stands up after, doesn't let the world crush him, and looks for help when he needs it. Of course, my wife still gets mad at me when I cry in movies but honestly I'm ok with that :)
