In a post yesterday I mentioned the rule of thirds in regards to social likeability; One third of the people will like me, one third won't care, one third will dislike me. There is something I would quickly like to add to this to flesh it out a little further and perhaps give some people some perspective that they might want to consider in reflection of themselves and behaviors. It has to do with authenticity.
As I see it, authenticity matters a massive amount for social development and personal well-being as it is going to define the social circle. If you imagine a scenario using the thirds rule, where rather than being their authentic self, a person behaves in a way that caters for the third that would normally dislike them, you can see what might happen.
Just like a love relationship where during the dating phase people hide their bad habits, being inauthentic will eventually give way to the authentic, meaning that the third that "liked" the person will recognize the inconsistencies and start to turn away.
In a relationship this may present as the "you have changed" statement and the other party will feel rightfully "cheated", because the initial presentation was a known design aimed to deceive and manipulate for an outcome. In a social circle, there is less sunk cost than a love relationship, so it is even easier to expel and ostracize the inauthentic poser from the group, or often online, turn quite hostile toward.
Essentially as social animals, we do look for some kind of group approval, but the source and reason for the approval should be considered, not just the approval itself. For our own human well-being, belonging to a group can be important, but if in order to belong we can't be ourselves, we will feel constrained and oppressed, rather than empowered - We will be living a lie. Living a lie takes energy and when it comes to social wellbeing, "fake it til you make it" doesn't work, because there is no make it in relationships, there is just maintenance. Once the authentic self leaks out, it is no longer possible to maintain the same social position in the structure.
If you imagine now an undercover detective who has embedded themselves into the mafia, become friends with members, experienced things together and then, they get exposed. This is the potential life of the inauthentic imposter in the group, social death as a member (at least). However, this doesn't necessarily mean that another group isn't willing to accept, but if they know of the deception, how can they trust that the imposter isn't going to deceive them too?
Inauthenticity must be absolutely tiring and I can only imagine what it must be like for people who feel that they have had to hide their true selves in regard to things like sexuality or intelligence, due to the potential for repercussions if who they are is discovered. However, we live in a world of the greatest ability for connection in a highly diverse personality pool, meaning that there is pretty much always a suitable group to belong to or form. This obviously works in the positive and the negative, as the same tools for connecting like minds in one area, can be leveraged in some very harmful areas too, like for terrorism or child abuse. It isn't the tool at fault, it just does what it is commanded.
But, while all kinds of people can connect, not every personality or preference is going to be deemed value adding or at least, not every group is going to attract value to it. Yes, there can be support, but that support doesn't necessarily come with a salary. No one would complain about a person who bought music they like instead of music they didn't like, yet on Hive, there is an expectation that those with stake are obligated to support content and people they don't like.
I see inauthenticity as a losing approach, because while it might make short gains by duping a few for a time, it will eventually be uncovered. Yes, this can mean that they can withdraw and start again, but on a place like Hive or other social media where it gets increasingly hard to get traction, the effort required to build social capital increases, making the difficulty to earn increasingly hard, especially if that return comes from long-term staked users who have a memory.
But, more importantly, just for the sake of mental health, I think that authenticity breeds a far greater sense of personal peace and regardless of the amount of support in any form, an authentic person can sleep easily at night, as they can look at themselves in the mirror and know who they are and why they do what they do. I think a lot of inauthentic people will lose something of themselves as they chase the approval of others, without recognizing they are moving away from who they are.
It comes down to personal choice though and likely, some degree of need. Yet, given the option, authenticity is far more likely to build the relationships that are considered personally valuable, whether it be a loving partner, a circle of friends, a reference group or a following on a social platform. And there will be no need to manipulate, no need to have internal conflict, no need to be scared of discovery. You can just be yourself.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]