I was reading an article from Australia where a teenage boy threw an unknown twelve year old into water, even though the kid was saying he couldn't swim. Of course, it was all caught on camera by the teen's friends for posterity. The kid didn't drown, but is likely traumatised a bit.
But what stood out was the reaction of the teen's mother, who rather than saying away from the situation, was the one who took him to the police station and made a public statement about him needing to learn to be accountable and face the consequences of his actions.
“My son is facing consequences at home, and we are fully prepared for any further consequences that come through the school or the legal process. Accountability is important, and we are not trying to avoid it.”
I found it refreshing.
Which is a statement that speaks to the state of modern society.
Because taking personal responsibility and the willingness to face consequences seems to be increasingly the position of the minority. And when it comes to the parents coddling their children and protecting them from any negative experience, they tend to be the ones who shift the blame of their children's behaviour, onto anything other than the child, or themselves.
Always someone else's fault.
Parents seem to be of the opinion that if they don't take their child's side, they are harming the child. So they ferociously defend their children, even when their child is in the wrong. Several of my friends are teachers of various ages and they have seen this behaviour increase dramatically over the last decade or two. And I think that this coincides with the type of parent, where now the younger parents are themselves raised to celebrate victimhood, seeing themselves as victims of circumstances.
And victims do no wrong, right?
But, what if the circumstances are self-inflicted, are chosen? If a person puts themselves into a set of circumstances where harm can come to them, where they are likely to be victimised, aren't they at least in part responsible? If a person chooses to skydive and the chute doesn't open, it might not be their fault, but there is clear and present dangers associated, and taking part is accepting the risks.
We no longer live in a world with a healthy community, and therefore we also no longer live in a world where strangers are likely to act in our best interest. Strangers are unlikely to come to our aid, and they are more likely to treat us poorly, so opening ourselves up to obvious risks, just increases the odds of bad things happening to us.
That doesn't mean victim-blaming, but we should recognise that there are always risks and always consequences to actions. Put ourselves in situations where harm is likely, we can't really be surprised when we are harmed. But of course, there are also the random low-risk situations, where things still happen. Like it might have been for this boy who was thrown into water by a stranger. But, I don't know the background of the story, so who knows if this twelve year old did something to instigate a reaction, creating a situation that went from low-risk, into high-risk, because of the choices he made.
Does it matter?
In my opinion, yes. Because our actions matter. Sure, a twelve year old also has the brain and capability of a child, so there is plenty of room for leeway and tolerance, but at what point does that tolerance end and a person is expected to behave appropriately, and accept the outcomes of their actions? If a person continually puts themselves into danger and expects to be saved and protected by strangers, whose fault is it when things go awry?
It would be brilliant if we could rely on strangers to protect us, and they could rely on us to protect them. A society where no one intends to cause any harm to others. There would be no rapes, no murders, no theft, no abuse, no slavery....
But we don't live in that world.
Our world is dangerous, and it becomes increasingly so when people do not believe that they have to learn and take precautions for themselves, nor believe that they are accountable for their actions. It becomes more dangerous when children are encouraged to be selfish, and when things go wrong, blame others. It is more dangerous when parents protect their children from harm, giving their child the sense of invulnerability and immunity to consequence.
Our behaviours matter.
They represent who we are. And because we can change our behaviours, we can change who we are. But, this doesn't take away the consequences of our past actions, which will still have a bearing on our current circumstances. Changing today, doesn't wipe away our yesterday, but it does affect our tomorrow. We have to think about what kind of world we want our tomorrow to be.
Taraz
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