I had an interesting conversation with a psychologist today, about the time spent with children, where I think "quality time" is far less than many seem to believe it is. I reckon it is more about impact, than time spent, and that what a lot of people are actually doing is being "alongside" their children, but not actually being present with them. A ten minute quality conversation, or being there as they learn a new skill, can be far more valuable and memorable than a day of sitting watching Netflix.
I feel that we have been lied to in many respects, and pushed into this conditioning to believe that time is valuable, without considering how we actually spend that time, or what the impact of our expenditure is. We don't think much about the impact our actions make, especially when they Seem like the right thing to be doing, because we have been told they are the right things to do.
Be present.
But, what does that mean in the context of our daily lives, and are we actually present or is it a platitude we keep telling ourselves as a comfort, so we don't have to reflect on whether we are, or are not. From what I have observed, the majority of people who believe themselves to be "in the moment" and present people, are often the ones that seem the most delusional, the most mistaken. It is like the repetition of belief, has hidden the reality of their behavior from them. It is like the good church-going Christian who deals drugs and kills rival gang members.
Belief is not truth.
After a final year party, a friend of mine got to sit on the floor of a bathroom with his eighteen year old son, as he recovered from a night of excess. He said it was "weird" because he had a great evening with him, just sitting on the tiles, talking into the night. No phones, no games - just chatting. Being present.
A present.
There is no possibility to live in the now, because the now doesn't exist for us. At best, we can only be now adjacent, because if we are truly in that zero point, there is no time, there is no movement. There is everything all at once, but without that motion, there is no record, no awareness, no experience. In the eternal now, there is only death. And all of life. It is the start and the end simultaneously. But as the limited creatures we are, we cannot possibly comprehend and understand the enormity of eternity, because we are just a tiny sliver of the whole.
However, being adjacent allows us to observe what was missing, and the feelings that we have the closer we get to that zero point. It is like being aware of the sun, the warmth of it, but not being able to look directly into its heart. Being next to the now is as close as we can be to being whole, but with the awareness we have, we can never be that singular form, because to experience, is to observe, and to observe is to have two reference points, the eye, and the target.
Yet, have that conversation with someone who believes they live in the now, and they will deny it, they will be adamant that they are the exception. Yet, it is a deception, is it not? The experience of the now where there is no awareness, nor movement, is no experience at all. We live through it continuously in life, but can never actually know it.
But, what this tells me is that try as we might, the closest we can get to death, or all of life, depending on how we want to describe it, is through a relationship. We can't know it directly, but we can know of it, benefit from it, experience the side-effects of it. In those moments of value, those slivers of time where we are as present as we can be, with the people wo love, the people we impact upon, and who impact on us, we can get a reflection of that endless moment, and when we do, it is hard to forget.
And as complex as it might be, what I believe we need do is to build a life where we have the opportunity for these moments, in the same way that we can engineer a world that enables us to experience flow. It isn't about an amount of time´, it is about the right time, the right place, and an openness, and a willingness to go undistracted, in a world that is constantly trying to take our attention, and spend our time consuming events, but impacting on nothing.
Time is not on our side.
Time is just a currency that tracks experience. When experience ends, so does time.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
