A few years ago, we decided that the adults for Christmas would do a secret Santa deal, instead of swapping a number of random gifts. So with a 50€ limit, each of us gets given a random name to buy for from the group. For the second time, I got my father in law. Easy - and boring.
Always books.
And the books he likes to read are some crime novel series, and some historical books, mostly about Finland. Oh, and nothing can be written by a woman, because he won't read it. While this sounds sexist, I think that men and women do tend to write in different styles, so if the style is generally not to his liking, fair enough. To his credit, he did try to read a book written by a female Finnish author, but he couldn't get through it.
Last time I got him was a couple years ago and while I chose the book myself, I showed it to my wife and she ended up being given the credit for it, because she was the one who talked to her dad about the gift, since I couldn't. This year, I told her I got her dad whilst we were wrapping the presents last night (not a very secret Santa in our household - though she didn't tell me who she has), and she wanted to know what books I got him. I showed her and they got her seal of approval, which is a bit pointless since there is little to be done at that stage anyway.
Not my cups of tea.
But I am not buying them for me.
After wrapping the present, I added his name on a torn piece of paper with bad handwriting and a couple letters written backward, like a kid. He will likely guess it is me from this, because that is probably how he assumes my educational background. The other giveaway if anyone pays attention, is that I make fantastic present bows.
Simple, functional, classy.
We found out today that the large Christmas group is going to be a little smaller, with three people unable to join due to elderly health problems in a mix of Alzheimer's, cancers and mobility issues. One of their son's (who lives near them) will stay there too. This makes things somewhat easier for the day, as we had changed the running order and timing to cater for them, but we don't need to do that now. Still, it would have been nice to have the last large group gathering together.
I am just glad Smallsteps' grandparents can come.
Having old parents means having old grandparents, and her experience with hers is quite different to that of the other grandkids. They are already nearing eighty and haven't been able to keep up with Smallsteps for the last few years already, so she only knows them as quite passive people, even though they have tried to be active with her. The experience is much more indoor than the other kids got, but it has still been a very good experience. Smallsteps loves them a lot and will spend hours talking to her grandma on the phone. Hopefully they will last a bit longer.
And this is what I mean about the Christmas spirit being about relationship building, because it is often one of the few times where all the family come together to interact in a space that is peaceful. Spending that time together, having a laugh while reminiscing and just seeing the smile on the similar faces across generations is what it is about. Layers of similarity each layer having faced very different conditions.
Without my own family here, no one knows me longer than my wife, which is only fifteen years. And I wasn't there for any of the stories they recall. At these events, I am an outsider that doesn't have a place in the collective memory of the group, so I just sit largely silent. But, I want Smallsteps to experience some connection with her family here and get that sense of belonging to a group that knows and cares for her. Because going into the future, the sense of family is likely going to continue weakening, as social conditions change and people keep drawing further away from each other into digital worlds.
Family is a gift, yet we generally don't understand the importance until it has faded and disappeared. We go out of our way to impress strangers we will never meet and do not care about us, but ignore the ones who know us, have our best interests at heart, and love us. And instead of building our close ties closer, we keep finding ways to break them apart.
If only relationships were as easy to tie together as a present ribbon.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Be part of the Hive discussion.
And you may be rewarded.
