It is 23rd September, and Maghrib time over here. Maghrib is an Arabic term which means sunset time. So what is so special about it? Well today, right at this sunset time, I had my last cigarette. I was looking at the sunset from my balcony, and it was Saturday. Usually I do not remember much; I sometimes think I have little Alzheimer. May it never happen! But for this one thing, I actually remember the most of it. Because, I know the society thinks of it as something notorious activity. Especially in my region it is the consider as a evil thing. But hey, there is GenZ who actually thinks it is cool to smoke. So being part of it: I have a different approach towards it.
Cigarette is not something bad.
I still think it is not that bad. Yes, I know the harm it does, and the impact of quitting it was quite good. But I will never call it bad, just because society think it to be. Like come on, everyday I inhale this worst kind of smoke inside my body. The South Asian region is quite famous for it, especially the trucks emitting black smoke. And, winter is coming! So does the smog (smoke + fog). And we all will be inhaling it, without worrying a lot about it. Health concerns? It is okay, because what can we do. However, we can do a lot about it. We just do not want to do it.
Music, Sunset and Cigarette.
I mentioned the last two things with balcony in it. But I forgot to write the main reason. When I smoked first cigarette, it was completely out of curiosity. My first semester in university, almost every senior was into it. As soon the region and lifestyle changed; I got influenced by it. And with that first cigarette from a senior, there was this music playing in the background: "Mein Tenu Yaad Awangi (You will miss me)." It is in Punjabi, and still my favorite. Favorite to such chores that I still avoid to listen it. Because it really makes me sad, and want to puff few more times. Coincidence or what, I do not know actually. But during my last puff, I was listening to the same music.
Why did I quit?
Pretty simple reason: my health. Yes, I was playing football, and it was that moment when I was out of breath. I just fainted. It was that moment when I realised, I had to let go of it. A hard decision, you know. Those who smoke or have smoked will surely and easily get my point. Because it is not that simple to quit an addiction. People used to say, "why don't you just quit it?" Like it is a piece of cake thing. It is not, believe me addiction of anything is just bad.
Do I miss it?
Surely! I would love to feel those moments. Everything feels different with that lifestyle. You are there, cigarette in your hands, just staring at the moon, and thinking like a big philosopher. Even reading a book feels different this way. Nowadays, I just keep a water bottle, or sometimes, a cup pf tea. But nah man, cigarette really made the whole experience something else.
So what is the whole take?
Well, I do not know. I just miss the nostalgia right now. But there are few things which I learnt during the journey.
Initially, it does feel so hard to give up. There is headache. There is this craving for one last, then I quit. There is this company where you want to enjoy the moment. There is this timing when you crave the most for it. Personally, I really had to change my whole schedule for it, which I did. I stopped visiting the places where I used to smoke. I, somehow, learnt to say no to a cigarette. In short, I just stopped attaching things to experiences. After few months, everything start to feel normal. Time does heal, but the scars are there to deal with for life.
Escapism works, right? At least, it does for me.
Maybe that is what moving on really is - not forgetting, but learning not to confuse nostalgia with necessity.
And this is it. Is there any lesson in the post? Maybe there is.
For kindergarten: health is wealth!
Some things can be unhealthy, but not meaningless.
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Peace 馃晩
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Picture was taken on that night, post sun-set :)