Hello everyone, today I have decided that I will share a personal story, which is related to addiction. It's a relatable thing for me because I'm one of them. Whenever I hear people say, "If you wanted to quit, you would have," people think it's easy to quit but I know they never had any sort of addictions. We can say anything or type anything about someone's addiction because it's the easiest thing to do. People would judge someone from the outside, they don't even try to know their story. There's a reason behind everything but people don't try to understand that fact.
I am a man in my fifties and you guys know that I am a family man and my family means the world to me. So, I want to share one of the biggest mistakes of my life so that young generations can think twice before taking the same decision.
My father had passed away earlier and I was a rebel kid back then. I started to smoke when I was underage which was 15. I was only curious about how it would taste or how it actually feels? Because my friends used to say that it helps them get a relief. My friends whenever they used to smoke cigarettes they often asked me if I wanted one and I always declined. They teased me, often saying I wasn't man enough. After some time for the very first I decided to smoke a cigarette, it was completely my choice. I also know that I was being influenced by my friends. With a mind of a teenager I wanted to fit in the group. I used to believe smoking looked cool because that was what the people in the circle made me feel.
I also did not think of it as a bad thing and that was my biggest mistake for being careless and it stayed with me for decades.
After years, I had found my wife, she did not like me smoking so, I tried to quit but found excuses whenever I thought about quitting. In the beginning, I thought I will quit but from next month, then when that month came I shifted it to the next month and the day never came. Other times, I would think that, "I have too much stress right now. I need to smoke to feel better." Those excuses sounded reasonable to me, but they were only making addiction grow stronger.
The biggest lie I always believed that cigarettes helped me deal with stressful days. But what about when I was happy or there was no stress at all? Why did I smoke on those days too? I would immediately reach for one if I felt anxious or any other bad feelings. The moment I smoked, I felt a little relief. It was a temporary feeling but my brain slowly accepted it as the solution to every stressful situation.
So what was the conclusion? In the end it really, became my reality. One thing changed that was I was smoking because my body had become dependent on nicotine and not to impress others. I thought it wasn't an issue because no one complained about it anymore and eventually, I had become a chain smoker.
In present time, I can not stay very long without smoking. When I eat food after that I need to smoke and it's compulsory and even when I go to the toilet I need a cigarette otherwise bowel movement would stop processing. If I don't smoke for a while then my body starts to react. Basically, every hour, my body tells me that "Hey, you need one more cigarette."
I wanted to talk about addiction today so it made get into a deep thought and I asked myself, Is addiction really a choice?
My answer is both yes and no.
I believe the first step is usually a choice even if that choice is influenced by friends or anything else. Because someone can't forcefully put cigarette into my mouth. But I was young and easily got influenced. But repeating that choice was my one and only decision. Later, the addiction begins making choices for you. The brain gets used to nicotine and the body starts to expect it. Your daily routine starts revolving around it. That is why quitting is so difficult.
Addiction is not only about having a strong willpower. There are many important things other than willpower. But many people do not have enough knowledge about it so they don't understand that addiction also changes the way your body and mind work. That is why so many people fail even if they want to leave it. Everyone knows addictions can be injurious to their health and it's nothing new. I believe my family deserves a better life. That is why I want to quit. But I only said those words doesn't mean I can achieve it easily or instantly.
Currently, my addiction is stronger, and willpower is very weak against it. But I realized that what I need now is professional help otherwise this can't be fixed by myself. I know that medication and proper treatment will give me a much better chance of breaking this addiction. I know I shouldn't take it lightly so I need to pursue for it as soon as possible because I don't want this addiction to control the rest of my life.
This experience has taught me something very important.
We should try to understand the people who have an addiction. We should support them because they already know that they are harming themselves. They don't need more judgment. They need understanding and sometimes medical treatment.
As for me, I haven't won this battle yet. I am still fighting against it every single day. I will not give up because I really care for my family's well being. One last thing I would like to say, if you're a young reader then I hope you never light your first cigarette after reading my story then sharing my biggest mistake will have been worth it.
Credits:
The picture is owned by me, I have clicked it with my mobile and I edited it with the help of ai chatgpt.
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