Today is my birthday.
My real birthday, not my Hive birthday.
I would like to say that "I am officially old", but I have been officially old for a while now. I am definitely past middle-age at least.
Forty Five.
I don't care too much ab out the number of an age, but I do consider the value of experience that age tends to bring. This is not to say that I think my experience is valuable however, and perhaps the opposite. After all these years, I think that I should be a bit more knowledgeable and wiser than I am. Which is kind of strange, since I also feel that i have experienced a lot.
Last night, my wife surprised me with dinner with friends at a restaurant in the city, which was somewhat of an actual surprise, even though I had an inkling that there was something going on. It was nice through, with good food and a lot of laughs, talking about all manner of things, including death.
Over the last forty five years, I have had literally several near death experiences, and one of them happened on my birthday. We celebrated after business hours at a swimming center owned by a family friend, who taught me how to float, and then swim a few feet in a kiddy pool. After everyone went into another pool, filled with confidence, I moved alone to another pool, and preceded to swim a few feet into the middle, where I could no longer touch the bottom. After running out of energy very quickly, I started to drown.
I struggled.
But after a few seconds, I couldn't struggle anymore, resigned myself to my fate, and just let myself sink. I was looking up at the summer evening sky through the water, and I had an immense sense of peace. It was probably the calmest I have ever been in my life, and even now, I can recall that feeling, even though I can't completely recapture it. It is like remembering the taste of a delicious meal, but having nothing to chew upon.
Obviously, since I am still here, I didn't end up drowning. Just as I was closing my eyes for what I had assumed would be the last time, I saw a shadow break the water as someone dove in. It was the teenage son of the owner and he resuscitated me, and the first thing I said was "Don't tell my mum".
He didn't.
I have been electrocuted, I have been chronically ill and told I didn't have too long, I have been in a near miss car accident (maybe a couple), and most recently, I have had a stroke.
What have I learned?
Well, it isn't that life is precious, and if anything, it might be the opposite, where life is largely meaningless. Like last night I heard that an acquaintance that I have danced with a few times years ago, died at the age of 43 from a brain tumor. And, as sad as that might be, life goes on. And, this isn't just for me, it is for everyone, because regardless how close we are to someone who passes, life has to go on.
If I had drowned in that pool or died from electrocution, life would have gone on for the rest of my family. If I had died from illness in high school, my friends at the time might have been upset for a bit, but pretty soon, forget and move on with their lives. And if the stroke took me a few years ago, my wife and daughter would have been heavily impacted at first, but pretty soon, be building a new life, sans me.
No matter how important we might think ourselves, or even how important others think we are, the flow of life doesn't stop, once life stops flowing in an individual. It isn't a depressing thing, it is actually somewhat freeing, because it means that we don't have to put as much pressure on ourselves to perform, as no matter what we do, it will eventually be forgotten by those who know us.
This doesn't mean we shouldn't try to improve conditions though, because there is life value in being part of something greater than ourselves and having that sense of being relevant. I think a lot of people are struggling with their own relevancy these days, and are stretching to find their place, in a world that doesn't necessarily value people that highly anymore.
Death is a gift.
Not dying itself, but knowing that eventually, it all ends. A lot of people worry about dying, but what we really should be putting the emphasis on, is how we are living. What is a good life in our opinion, and are we doing the right actions to live up to that standard?
As said, I am not wise enough.
I just bumble my way through.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
