It was a friend's fortieth last night, and while it wasn't a wild night of craziness, it was nice to meet up with people who we haven't seen for many years. It was also more subdued than a normal birthday party might be, because the friend has been given a terminal cancer diagnosis and they don't know how long they have left. It was also nice to see their family again, who I haven't seen since I shot the photos at the father's funeral, who also got taken by cancer. I really didn't want to take funeral photos, but a couple of friends have asked me over the years as they wanted someone who knew the family, not a stranger.
Back to the party though, which was nice because it was a smallish group of friends brought together from different periods and parts of their life. School friends, work friends, dance friends and of course, family.
And then, as dance has been such a massive part of their life, they organized and choreographed a performance, which was a skip through different age groups and times in her life that have been important. a couple other friends were supporting dancers in the performance and while it sounds a bit silly, against the backdrop of uncertainty, it was sweet and a lot of people, shed a lot of tears.
As a parent, I feel for their mother, and it is hard to put myself completely in her shoes, knowing that there is a known inevitable end. One of the values of parenting is raising a child, never knowing what their child's life is going to be, but hoping that it will be wonderful and healthy. Knowing the pain that is to come, must be terrible.
I have tried simulating this myself over the years through my own reflective process I call "psychological pyromania", that imagines the worst situation, a way out and then imagines it again, closing off that way, and then the next and the next, until I am alone, trapped with no way out.
It sounds horrible, doesn't it?
I actually don't recommend it for many people, because it can be quite upsetting, but I have found that it has helped me perform through some pretty rough experiences, both myself and with my family. And for them at least, they are better off when I am able to cope with situations, rather than fall apart under the pressure.
And, like for many of these milestone birthdays, there were plenty of photos and the gifts weren't to be things that they would need or use, but instead, a collection of memories. People brought photos of them together from years ago, wrote poems, sang songs and generally reminisced on all the good times.
I didn't know this until today, but apparently, quite a few people haven't accepted that death is actually coming, that somehow, it will all be okay. My friend didn't want to mention it at all, but felt they must put it in no uncertain terms, that short a miracle, it will end and likely sooner, rather than later.
I was watching a show on Neflix called "How to change your mind", which is a four-part series on hallucinogens and their potential uses to treat mental issues. They were using psilocybin to help people with terminal cancer come to terms with their impending death. It is quite amazing really and I believe that there should be more access to these kinds of treatments in a wider sense, rather than just at end of life. Just imagine if people get release some of their fears earlier in life, giving the opportunity to live fearlessly, as well as die fearlessly.
Over the years I have faced my own mortality and that of some people close to me, far too often. I don't fear my own death, but that of loved ones does impact on me heavily and selfishly. Because in respect to myself, I know I will just be gone, but I don't want to live without some people in my life, which makes their mortality, far more important than my life. It is a strange situation really, but one that is likely familiar to many of us.
Life is not one big party - it is filled with a lot of difficult times and having to come to terms with and accept that it rarely is going to go the way we want, and it is going to hurt. However, if we never feel the pains of life, we likely won't value our lives enough and become complacent, lazy and putting off important experiences, because we think we have all the time in the world. It isn't true, we never do and although we might assume a long life, there is no guarantee a long life will come to pass. The only guarantee is that life will come to pass for all of us, eventually.
Don't dance like no one is looking. Dance this life in a way that there are not only people looking, but they also care about you enough to not care how you dance, but help you live your best life, and dance your greatest dance, even if it is the last.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
