What's on the list to do?
It doesn't matter, because instead of doing what I needed to do, I did what I wanted to do instead, and took Smallsteps into the city by tram to get her the next book in the series she is reading. We have moved a papasan chair into the loungeroom from upstairs, and now she calls it her reading corner and has been ploughing through the first in the series. It is nice to have a kid who not only can read, but enjoys reading daily. It is apparently quite rare for many children, but I think this is a result of near zero screen access throughout her life.
However, she is also much like me and easily distracted from what needs to be done, and ends up spending a lot of time doing very little. It is not too much of an issue at all while a child and I want her to have the freedom to focus on whatever she wants, but as an adult, she will still need to have the skill to be able to draw her attention to a point, even if it isn't where she wants to spend her time. Because, a lot of the things we want to do, require spending at least some of our time doing things that we don't want to do.
But, since I have spent so much of my life doing what I think I needed to do and not too much time doing what I want to do, I think it is time I start just making the change and shift my focus. Of course, it is impossible for me at least to do this the majority of the time, but I think I should be doing it far more than I have been doing. I should be a bit more selfish.
And at least part of today was a day just like that, so Smallsteps and I went into the city, had a good meal in the central marketplace, got the book, and then went and enjoyed a cake together. We just walked a bit and talked a bit, and generally just spent time together, with me carrying her purple schoolbag on my shoulder.
It is kind of strange in the way that while I can "clear my mind" in an instant since the stroke, it doesn't actually help me relax at all. It does reduce the energy I require for thought, but that is about it. Relaxation is more than just a blank mind, because of the body isn't part of that slowing down process, it is still engaged with the troubles of the day, even if they aren't registering in awareness.
I can distract myself all I want, but avoidance rarely improves a bad situation. And that is the problem with getting easily distracted, because often when we don't want to focus our attention on something, it is because it is difficult for us, or we don't want to deal with the emotional feeling, whether that be boredom, or disappointment. It is far easier to turn on the TV, or even bury the nose into a book, than get what needs to be done, out of the way first.
If we have the possibility to do something we enjoy over something we don't, the choice is easy. But, if we don't have the choice to overcome that easy choice and choose the other, it isn't a choice at all, it is a compulsion. Many people are compulsively choosing the easy path, believing that they are making a choice, when they are actually addicts instead. And, like any addiction, there is a cost to the habit, and with any action, an opportunity-cost of alternative actions.
Today was time well spent with Smallsteps though, and rather than an avoidance of what I don't want to do, it was an active and intentional decision to do what I did want to do. It was a nice few hours, and when we got home, it was back to routine and she did her homework, I made dinner when my wife came home, and then it is off to bed to prepare to start another day.
The list of things to do, can wait until tomorrow.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
