It was a big day today, Smallsteps finally got handed her key.
Not to any crypto.
To the house.
We have been meaning to do it for a few weeks, but I wanted to make it a bit of a thing, so that she would get the feeling of responsibility that comes with it. Having her own key means that she is able to walk home and get in by herself, so my wife and I don't always have to be here. If we get stuck in traffic or caught up somewhere, it will be okay.
While there is an independence component to it, it is also a compromise of sorts. Because our schedules can change quite often due to our jobs, Smallsteps has asked it we can have more structure, more consistency in when we get her, as it changes by a half hour or more daily. This isn't possible, but with her own key, she is able to take responsibility for her own timing as well, which is something that she needs to learn.
We all went and had a bite to eat and a coffee with a friend of mine today, and after the "key transfer ceremony", we were talking about what I had mentioned here about people maybe not growing up as fast as they used to. Except what I was talking about today was more around the emotional side of it, where younger people expect to have emotional safety, that no one is allowed to say anything that makes them feel uncomfortable in any way.
That demonstrates immaturity, doesn't it?
I see it at home with Smallsteps, where as a seven year old she will block her ears or think that I am "shouting", whenever I am saying something she doesn't want to hear. But, she is seven. However, when people are essentially acting the same when they are in their 30s, upset if someone says a word they don't like, or tells them to do something they don't want to do, they feel attacked, as if their discomfort is proof of violence.
Words can hurt. But are they violent?
While our brains don't do a very good job of distinguishing between physical and emotional pain, I believe we should build deep understanding between the two. And I think that because we are encouraged not to, we are going to constantly feel victimized, as if we are being punched over. And, when we are constantly feeling emotional interactions as if they are physical, it is likely going to push us into acting and reacting physically.
As I also mentioned the other day, the daughter of one of my friend's committed suicide a week or two ago. A tragic outcome, for whatever she was facing in her life. And while I don't know the details of what she had been going through, I have read many stories from people who have done similar after being bullied or teased online, or at school or in the workplace. However, is that the reason, or is it a catalyst leveraging emotional immaturity?
Perhaps part of the reason there is such a strong following for the "woke" movement, is because it is being driven by people who don't want to take responsibility for their own emotional state. Rather than build healthy relationships and resilience, we have both wrapped our kids in proverbial cotton wool, and taught our children to be hypersensitive to anything that makes the uncomfortable.
Many seem to have lived a life akin to being in a temperature controlled environment that is to optimize their comfort, and then stepping outside into slightly different conditions. A couple of degrees up and they sweat profusely, a couple down and they shiver uncontrollably.
No pain, no gain.
We grow from discomfort. But, how much can we grow if we are uncomfortable under the slightest changes in conditions. When we have lived a life protected, a life without the need to wait, a life where we don't have to experience real pressures, let alone work them out for ourselves. We don't have to even solve the most basic of problems we face, because we always have Google support.
Lifestyle and culture has changed a lot over the last few decades, but I feel that one of the problems is that there are so many ways to avoid having to actually take responsibility and make our own decisions. There are very few circumstances where we "don't know" and there is no way to find out, so we just have to do the best we can, and pay the consequences of our choice. And I think that because we are constantly protected in so many ways, we don't get a good sense of the reality of life, so when our kids eventually step outside into the big, bad world, they are unable to cope.
One of the traits of emotional maturity is being able to cope effectively with stress. Yet, the age of burnout leave is coming down rapidly, and whilst there are reasons for this, it can also be because the threshold to "too much" has also decreased. It takes less for us to feel bad, to feel stressed, to feel offended, to feel attacked - and all of the media that most people consume, reinforces a sense of justification, that feeling constantly victimized is acceptable.
I don't want Smallsteps to ever feel herself a victim in this world, but I know that it isn't going to be through locking her away in a padded room that will protect her. If she has a chance, it is going to be through building the agency within her to take responsibility to make her own decisions, and learn how to deal with uncertainty, discomfort, and the parts of life that she doesn't like, but has to face.
Emotional immaturity has spread like a plague, and is now at epidemic proportions. But, instead of building up immunity, we are doing all we can to remove any discomfort we might face. And, the more we remove, the weaker we get, so we have to keep excising anything and anyone who disrupts our thoughts and feelings to the point, that even a common cold, could kill us.
We each have a key.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
