With clients this morning, we had a discussion on becoming an adult, questioning what constitutes adulthood, and whether the age of reaching adult status is increasing. While what actually constitutes being an adult can vary, I think that there are a few basics that are at the foundation, with accepting responsibility, financial independence, being on some kind of life plan, and being able to use the experience of hindsight to make quality decisions in the present. I would add that an adequate level of resilience and the ability to work through discomfort are also on the list for adulting.
But, times do seem to be changing in this regard. For instance, back during the second world war, 15 year old children in Finland were volunteering to fight, and on the eastern border with rifle in hand, defending their family farm. Thankfully in most of the world, this isn't the case now. But, my student who is early 60s, was married at 24, had a child on the way, and was buying their first apartment. His sister was married at 19.
While this doesn't mean they were more mature, I do think that taking on responsibility for independence from parents and taking care of other earlier, is a way to speed up the process. Now however, a lot of people are putting off getting into serious relationships until much later, and not having children at all. People value their "freedom" from responsibility more, perhaps because there hasn't been the same expectation from parents and culture that they should take responsibility.
When I first came to Finland, I thought it very strange that the majority of people I knew (early to mid twenties) had never had more than a summer job, if that. The expectation was that until they didn't have to work, so they could concentrate on their studies. However, some of the time spent going out drinking four nights a week, might have been replaced with a job of some kind, right? But, the expectations were different from their parents. But, none of them lived at home, which meant that either student support, student loans, or often parents were footing the entire bill of rent, food and drink. The first time in their life that they had to pay for themselves, was around 25 years of age, and even then, they were getting "supplements" from parents.
By age, 25 is old, but experience matters too right?
The other day I was reading an article from Australia about a girl on TikTok complaining that all the 100K jobs require experience, but in her view university was the experience.
No. No. No.
but, that aside, just think about this girl who was mid 20s, complaining about the salary of her first ever real job. We have all been there, right? However, we likely knew that jobs start at entry level and then there is a ramping up, a building of experience. Her view shows that she doesn't have the understanding of how the world works, that theoretical knowledge isn't considered valuable experience in a practical sense. And, with the level of experience that behavior indicates, what can she draw upon from her past to improve her current decisions?
Probably not much.
And, as said, people are getting into relationships later, often with lower levels of commitment, not having children until much later or not at all, and choosing "experience" spending over investing. However, the experience they are buying isn't tradeable, it isn't valuable to anyone else, other than themselves. Does it sound like the actions of a responsible adult, or the games of children?
It is a tough question for some perhaps, but those who are older will likely say that young people today are putting off becoming adults for longer, if ever getting there at all. But, they would also probably say that they wish that had been a bit more "free" when they were younger too. This is often used as evidence that the kids are on the right track, because adults have regrets, but that isn't necessarily the case, because they are likely speaking from a condition of relative comfort, with older children, a house they nearly own and a career with some kind of job security. If they were struggling financially now, perhaps they would wish they had had a better plan when they were younger.
I feel like I am a child.
As I was saying to my clients today, the reason I don't feel grown up, is because for my age, I don't have the financial stability I think I should have by now. This is because I came to Finland as an adult with a suitcase, the house I had bought at 18 sold to cover some of my mother's medical costs. I had a job, but no network, and at the age of 24, I had to start from scratch in a country I don't speak the language. This put me well behind the financial curve.
It is only in the last few years that I feel I am starting to catch up a little, but struggle like my client probably did at 28-30, after getting married at 24 and having his first child. I feel I am over a decade and a half behind, which means in order to be at the same point at 60, I am going to have to do more than twice as much from now, as there is less chance of compounding interest to affect my activity. I will unlikely get as far in a career, I will unlikely earn as much per month, I will unlikely have access to the similar opportunities and support.
There is no safety net.
Except what I build.
Am I an adult?
While I don't feel adultish, I do feel the weight of responsibility through independence and having to make good decisions for myself, and my family. It is difficult and uncomfortable, but there is no one else to do it, nor would I want there to be.
And I think this is part of being an adult.
Recognizing that freedom of action, comes with responsibility of decision making, as well as acceptance of consequences. It take commitment and it takes risk awareness, because other people are involved who are relying on me to support them, not the other way around.
I ma not financially independent to the point I can provide for myself, by myself - but I am financially independent in the sense that the financial obligations I face are mine, no one else's. If I fail and fall, there is no one to pick me up, I am going to have to work it out by myself.
The definition of what makes an adult might change a lot, especially on cultural grounds, but I do think there will be enough overlap to make some generalized statements about it.
What do you think the traits of adulthood are - and do you meet the criteria?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
