With the sun out and the mercury hitting a massive 6C (43F), Smallsteps and I went out to continue on our learning to ride journey that started last year, which has been a bit of a process, but she was getting it today. I was a little older when I learned to ride, however, it also only took me fifteen minutes and it was off and away, and I was hoping the same for her. Not because it proves anything - but running behind her all the time is hard.
I am too out of shape.
But, she is getting it and can now start by herself without issues and brake (peddle brakes) when needed, though she still has a few moments where she is turning a little too sharply and getting the wobbles. She can save herself now though and thankfully, I didn't end up having to run so much at all and on the way home I said i would run next to her and she responded with
"Bye, bye!"
And left her poor dad for dead.
The way it should be.
Last night, she and my wife wanted some quality time together, so I made myself scarce and went and saw a friend for a bit. When I got home, my wife told that they went to the park and one of Smallsteps' school friends were there with her parents. She had tried to talk to them and said it was like pulling teeth, with them being almost unresponsive and while sitting on the bench with them, they essentially kept talking as if my wife wasn't there. Then, when the kids came up to ask if they can play together sometime and if the parents could swap numbers, they did, but they were reluctant. My wife said it was very, very weird.
However, she was also listening to the kids play and the other girl was talking incessantly about some mobile game and some character she wants to buy, but it costs something and she plays on her mums phone, but isn't allowed to buy things often and...
Smallsteps just kind of nodded along.
She had no idea what her friend was talking about at all.
Good.
So many parents take the path that it is important for kids to know how to use gadgets, because that is part of society and even education systems these days. Yet, what that "usage" actually means, is playing games and being introduced to consumption mechanisms at an incredibly young age. There are likely some benefits to this, but since most parents don't actually speak with their kids through these processes, it ends up being like a kid choosing all of their own meals - not great choices.
I talk about this relatively often, and everyone seems to think that parents can do as they please, but I am not so sure about that. For example, this childhood friend is not the most "healthy looking" of children as it is, so at what point do these kinds of cultural processes become harmful enough that they will be illegal?
And they are cultural, right?
Just like female circumcision and binding feet. Culture has a profound and lifelong effect on our lives and in many cases, it is impossible to reverse, so is it really a case of "parents know the best for their children"? Remember, we also live in a world where some parents will pimp or sell their children into sex slavery too.
Too extreme?
While intuition might say that the example doesn't hold, I am not sure if it is so extreme, considering that the state of the world at the moment and the increasing incidence of childhood sexualization, depression, violence and general poor outcomes. We used to have a culture that celebrated successful children, now we have one that makes excuses for why they aren't successful - each is a victim of something and the majority of support goes toward helping the victims.
Yet, how much of what they need help with is preventable?
How many of these issues are due to systematic neglect?
It is no secret that we live in a consumer-driven society and the incentives are for making profit at any cost through influencing behavior, so why is it so controversial to suggest that parents are influenced into behaviors that are contrary to what is best for their children? After all, parents are driven by their desires too, so when they desire more for themselves, it is obvious that convenience in other areas are going to be attractive.
It is far easier to have a child sit on a phone playing games, than teach them how to play a board game, or go for a ride on a bike. It is far easier to feed a child ready food, than take the time to prepare a homemade meal. It is far easier to say "I want what is best for my child" than actually do what is best for children.
Controversial?
I don't think so.
It is not that every issue children have is preventable, but I suspect that many are, or at least, many of the problems are amplified though cultural habits, like the reliance on social media and gaming for entertainment, as well as less connection and shared between parents and children. At least to me, it seems quite obvious that there is a correlation between the increase in digital usage and a lot of the challenges we are facing as a society.
Yet, people will fight against the premise, because it is *inconvenient for them. It is far easier to do what everyone else is doing, than take responsibility for personal behavior. And, if it all goes to hell, the "we didn't know better" excuse come s into play, as it has time and time again in history, when people have chosen to follow cultural practice, rather than common sense.
Oh, and for those that don't know, common sense doesn't actually speak of average behaviors where the average person should know, it is about the senses aligning, meaning there is a common experience through each of the data points, corroborating the practice. That is not happening now - people feel like shit, yet keep doing what they are doing habitually - this is a conflict with their very own senses - there is not internal consensus.
And this makes me wonder what is going through the heads of many parents and people in general, where they are getting the feedback that things aren't going well, yet keep doubling-down on what they are doing.
Just a few more hours of my kid immersed into some mobile game will be the cure for their inability to pay attention, their obesity, their poor thinking ability, their lethargy and emotional imbalance. If they crush just one more candy, all will be well.
And unfortunately, while people will say "mind your own business", the fact is we live in a society where other people's behavior impacts on our individual experience too. When my daughter goes into a classroom where there are uncontrollable and violent children, she has her present impacted, which will effect her future. If we want what is best for our own children in community, we also have to think about what is best for all children.
It is very inconvenient.
While I can write about these things, there is very little I can do to affect the behavior of parents. All I can do is the best I can for my own daughter and try to mitigate the negative impacts on her life, so she has the resources and space to grow to be her best. It is a constant tradeoff in this society and there is continual pressure from culture to do what everyone else is doing, because it is easier.
Easier in the short-term.
Learning to ride a bike can be hard. But set the foundation, and it is nearly impossible to forget how to do it. I think a lot of the challenges we will face in the future, are because of poorly set foundations today.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
