I love the way you think, but I hate the way you act.
_ Ben Harper
What a great line.
It is from the Ben Harper song, "Steal My Kisses" on the album Burn to Shine from way back in 1999. The whole album is pretty good in my opinion and I have listened to it many times, because that is what people did back then. They bought an album. Occasionally, people would buy the singles only, but they were normally kids as they were cheaper, or for EDM tracks with multiple versions on it. Nowadays, people don't listen to an album over and over and mostly listen to a stream of singles, which means they never get the full story.
But while I was walking to the gym, this song was stuck in my head, which is weird, because I haven't listened to it for several months at least. But there it was, that line repeating over and over.
What you think.
How you act.
They should be in alignment, right? Bot how often are they? For instance when it comes to myself, I often feel that what I say and what I do aren't closely enough aligned. I have ideals, I have opinions on the way things ought to be, or how I ought to be, but I often fail to make it a reality. And that "reality" means to make it real, to create it in the world, not just in the fantasy land of my head. I am a better person in my head, than my actions indicate.
Or maybe I am worse?
It is hard to say at times as it goes through phases depending on where my head is at any given moment. Sometimes I am romantic in thought but not in action, and sometimes I am self-loathing beyond what my behaviours deserve - and any number of other combinations. Regardless what is going on, there are too often conflicts between thought and behaviour, and I sometimes wonder what would happen if I played out more of what goes on in my head.
After all, as far as others are concerned, they can't know what is going on in my head and can only experience my behaviours, so it is the actions that are judged and become "me" from their perspective. From my own perspective however, "me" is more complex and often less accurate, since it factors in beliefs and feelings that aren't necessarily tied to the actions at all and can even make it feel like action, even though nothing was done. Our heads aren't good at telling the difference between thought and reality.
Picture a bright, vivid yellow lemon in your hand. Feel its cool, textured waxy skin. Imagine slicing it open and breathing in the sharp, clean, unmistakable fragrance of citrus. Bring the slice up to your mouth and take a deep, aggressive bite into the raw flesh. Feel the tart, acidic juice bursting across your tongue, making your taste buds instantly pucker and swell.
Thoughts can affect our reality. At the same time, what actually matters in terms of interaction with others, are our actions. That means we should be using our thoughts to affect our reality to create conditions that are suited to quality interaction. We might not be able to think owning a Ferrari into our garage, but if you consider all the steps required to have one there, there are a lot of little actions in the lead up. If we want a Ferrari, we'd have to work backwards from that endpoint and do what is necessary.
I heard for the first time "Do as I say, not as I do" from one of my teachers when I was about six years of age. I found it interesting at the time and still do, and occasionally use it myself when I act hypocritically. In jest. However, if I were to apply the same rule to myself with the "say" whatever the thoughts are in my head telling me what I should do, I would probably get better results if I listened. Too often what my head says I should do goes against what I want to do, or what I believe is expected of me. Too often I meet expectations with my behaviours, even if those expectations are not what I want to meet.
I am not saying I should act upon everything that comes into my head, because that would be insane. But, I think that my head is a pretty good judge of what needs to be done in the moment, but my body just doesn't want to listen, mostly because it goes against what I have done earlier, so it is unfamiliar. Or, it goes against the way I see myself, or it generates a fear in me that I will be judged negatively or rejected just because it is "out of character" for me.
Character.
It is a marking. A symbol. But metaphorically it has been attached to a defining trait. And a trait is a line, another marking. But the word is not the thing is it? Which means our "character" can change, our traits can change. They are always changing over time, but depending on our experiences, they might change acutely in a short time frame, like after having a stroke. But there is nothing stopping us from intentionally changing our own character so that our behaviours align with our thoughts.
Think better, act better.
For me for instance, it isn't an inability to act that stops me in various things, rather that various fears (for whatever reason) arise so that the thought that says "do this" is quelled by emotional resistance. If instead I think through that blockage and can find a way to overcome the resistance, there is nothing in the way to stop me acting on the desired thought. And I think from a personal perspective, if my behaviours aligned more with my thoughts, I would feel better about my actions, which would in turn feed into better thoughts and start an upward spiralling trajectory, instead of downward.
I don't hate how I act most of the time.
But some of the time, I can do better.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Be part of the Hive discussion.
- Comment on the topics of the article, and add your perspectives and experiences.
- Read and discuss with others who comment and build your personal network
- Engage well with me and others and put in effort
And you may be rewarded.