I should start packing.
But I hate packing.
Especially for a work trip, because I know what lays ahead and there is very little enjoyment to be had along the way - just long days that stretch into late nights of having to be switched on with colleagues. It is tiresome and then, it is going to be five days in a row like this, with very little time to myself. I am okay with people and crowds, but I also need some space.
I also don't know when I am going to write!
Some people will prepare posts before and schedule or have them ready to post daily. I am not that kind of person. Unless I am interrupted and can't finish, I generally sit down and start writing until I am done, then click post. For me, it is okay this way as I able to write more from the head and heart simultaneously, hopefully capturing the moment, somewhat like a written photograph of a kind, or a snapshot of the current conditions of life.
My "plan" is to write about some of my observations of the day and see what comes up, as while I don't like being constantly around colleagues, they are pretty decent and smart people with a lot of experience and interesting views, and the conversations tend to be good quality, whether talking about walk or more personal topics. This is something I am looking forward to, as I feel these days I don't get enough time to have proper discussions with them.
I figure that after the afternoon and before the evening program, I likely have an hour or so to get cleaned up and in that window, also write something that is good enough to post. Yeah, despite many protestations over the years, I still think that there should at least be the baseline quality where I am happy with my work. It varies of course, because we can never always be on point, never always have golden thoughts, never always give our best as if under perfect conditions, because conditions are never perfect.
We get sick, tired, have bad days, get bad news and just be in a funk, but this doesn't mean we can't give our best with what we have. This is actually one of the things we all have the same equal opportunity to do - do our best with the available resources.* The resources we have available can change a lot however.
Over the next days, I have very limited time, but I generally have very little time anyway, so we will see what happens. Most of my posts are around 1000 words, which isn't something I aim for, but it tends to be about the length that I feel that a post is complete, where I have said what I have wanted to say.
I ramble a lot (as you might have realized), but there is some method to the ramble also, as it isn't unrelated, they are generally thoughts running concurrently, kind of like a branching from the trunk that follows a new line of thought, or a moment of inspiration. I do usually bring it back to the starting point to close off the loops rather than leaving thoughts untethered, though sometimes I forget. Sometimes, what and why I started writing can shift through the action of writing, which often happens when I might not be in the best mood, but by the time I am halfway through, I am feeling better and the tone changes.
And, I think that this is what I might be doing over the next week, where I can write as a palate cleanser of a kind, a way to refresh my mind before heading back into the fray. It used to be easier to handle this kinds of things earlier, but since the stroke, my mental recovery is not as fast, especially when topics are constantly changing through the discussions and presentations. This is because in order to build understanding, I have to manually generate all of it on the fly, making it very energy intensive, as it is all done consciously. And, what I have learned is that our un conscious picks up far more than we give it credit for, so losing that automated process is very, very costly.
But, it will work out and while I am sure I am going to struggle in places, overall I think I will be okay and what I have been dreading won't be "as bad" as I have imagined it will be. Hopefully, I am also wrong that I won't have time to leave the hotel, so that way I will be able to get some photos of the area. I will take my camera just in case, but I am not sure I will get to use it.
It annoys me to overpack and have stuff I don't use.
Essentially though, this post has helped clear my head a little and hopefully serves as a warning that I have no idea what will happen to my posts in the next week. I think that I will be able to post, but if you see some major crap, mention it! :D
I have to pack....
Damn.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
