Maybe because it is on my mind a bit I am finding it everywhere, or perhaps I have a sign on my forehead, but a lot of conversations have ventured into areas of psychological suffering. Whether it be self-sabotaging patterns and strategies, interpersonal behaviors in relationships, or dealing with stress and approaching burnout - a lot of people seem to be struggling.
It is common at this time of year though, where the sense of spring is coming, the sun is shining more, and there are no longer the excuses of the weather being the reason for the negative feelings. Supposedly, it is also the time that most suicides happen in Finland too.
That aside, it does seem like a lot of people are struggling at the moment and that they are also a little more open with the issues they are having. Yes, it could be I have a sign saying "talk to me" somewhere, but this has often been the case throughout my life, where people seem to feel more comfortable opening themselves up to me and showing some vulnerability. Perhaps it is because they get the sense that I am not going to judge them.
It is a funny thing, because while we have been encouraged to show our emotions and vulnerabilities, and even nurtured a society where victimhood is celebrated and rewarded, the fact is that vulnerability in most circumstances is still perceived as a weakness. And, at least biologically, it makes sense that this is the case, because like it or not, we are preprogrammed to seek out stability and safety, and people who are emotionally challenged, don't fit the criteria - they are volatile, a risk.
This is especially true for men, because as much as women say they want a sensitive guy who shows their feelings, outside of the movie, they do not. They want strength and confidence, someone that they can rely on in a tough situation, not someone who will fall apart and need a shoulder to cry into.
Sounds wrong?
Maybe it is. But talking to a lot of my female friends over the years, they don't seem to think I am wrong in this regard, even though they don't want me to be right. Because they themselves believe that they want a "sensitive guy", but when they themselves are struggling, they want someone they can rely on to do what needs to be done, not someone who is going to fall apart along with them.
But, this isn't about burying emotions and not dealing with them, quite the opposite. It is just that most people these days don't seem to have the outlets and strategies they need to cope. And, I think they actually know what would help them, which is s to have someone to talk to, that isn't going to judge them. However, with social circles tighter than they used to be and even good friends drifting away, in a culture of more work from home activity and spending higher than usual amounts of time with family, there is little opportunity to escape and find that objective ear.
And the problem with a lot of the online availability, is it isn't actually objective, because the content that people seek out is what supports their worldview, not what makes them uncomfortable. And the things that we need to face, the things that make us vulnerable, are our weaknesses, not our strengths. This means that we do not get what we need, even if we get something that makes us feel better.
For example, if a person goes on stress leave, they will feel better when they are away from the work volume, or whatever it is that is stressing them out. They go on holiday, they sit around and start to feel good again. However, if they come back to the office without any new patterns and strategies, at some point, they are going to be in the same situation again. And often, it happens at a lower level of stress and sooner.
It is like that definition of crazy.
Doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.
But, if we are looking to feel better, not improve our strategies, this is what we are doing. Yes, we could also change our surroundings, but that in many ways could be avoiding the issue as well, rather than dealing with it at the root. Sometimes, we need to get our hands dirty and pull out the weeds, but no one really wants to do either of those things.
Life might be easy to live, but as a human, it can be very complicated to negotiate on a daily level. And it seems that more and more, people are seeing their lives as more of a subsistence, rather than actually living. It is like a survival process, with each day being a challenge, even though their conditions are relatively good, especially compared to other people in the world in much harder circumstances.
So what is the solution?
I don't know what it is for you or others. But listening to many people struggle through this life, I recognize that it is me who has to deal with my own issues, it isn't someone else's problem to solve. This doesn't mean I don't seek help from others, maybe the opposite, but I don't go into the conversation to complain for sympathy, I go in to get strength and support to grow, even though it is uncomfortable. Maybe we all need a shoulder to cry on from time to time, but likely, we more often need the support to improve ourselves, that we can be the shoulder instead.
It is a mindset change really. Where psychological skills are like the skills of a sport. We can have our strengths and weaknesses and without being vulnerable, look to improve them to better fulfil the needs of the playing field. And even though we are born with a set of innate abilities, we are still able to affect ourselves by learning and training in the right way for us.
Too many people seem to be on the edge of being lost at sea, expecting that it is the conditions of the sea that are the problem, not their abilities to sail. It isn't a power through thing however, there is nuance and often, that goes by unseen, especially when we are feeling swamped and stressed, which just makes matters worse and lowers our ability to affect positive change.
I don't know if you resonate with these kinds of topics and feel the pressure yourself from time to time, but I do think that we should all spend the energy learning and developing strategies before we feel like we are going to drown in the waves.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
