I grew up hearing things like, “Family is everything.” And maybe it is.
But sometimes, family can also be the place where you feel the most misunderstood. You can love your family deeply and still feel lonely around them. You can sit in the same living room, eat from the same table, laugh at the same jokes, and still have things inside you that you know you'll never say out loud. Not because you don't have anything to say, but sometimes, you just know how the conversation will end.
Maybe you've once tried explaining yourself before and were told you were being disrespectful, or you have opened up about something that hurt you, only for someone to tell you that you're too sensitive.
Maybe you made one mistake years ago and somehow it still gets brought up whenever there's an argument, so eventually you stop talking, not because you don't care, but because you just got tired.
Family like this, can actually make someone to start keeping things to themselves. It could make you think twice before sharing good news because you don't know how it will be received. You might begin to hide the things you're struggling with, because you don't want another lecture when what you really need is someone to simply say, “I understand.”
And after a while, everyone gets used to the quiet version of you. They may start to wonder why you've changed. They may not always realize that the person who became quiet was once the person who tried very hard to be understood.
That's one of the saddest things about family. I'm not generalizing it, some families are still very close to each. Hearing and helping each other. All I'm saying is that there are some families that doesn't feel like a home at all.
But having said that, there's still that love you have for your family no matter what you have been through with them.
You can be angry with them and still worry when they're sick. You can have issues with them and still defend them when somebody else attacks them. You can need space from them without wanting anything to hurt them.
That's something people don't always understand. Complaining about your family doesn't mean you hate them but some people always misunderstand this.
No, There are people who leave home and suddenly realize how peaceful it feels not to constantly worry about upsetting someone. There are people who get married or make close friends and experience a kind of love they've never experienced in their family before. When they finally find someone who listens to them, asks how their day went and actually waits for the answer, notices when something is wrong, disagree with them without insulting them, they will eventually begin to feel that they've been with the wrong people all these while.
That realization can hurt because nobody wants to admit that the place they called home for years didn't always feel like one.
But accepting it can also be freeing. You can forgive someone and still decide that you need some distance.
You can wish your family well without allowing them unlimited access to your peace. And I think a lot of us eventually realize that family isn't only about blood. Sometimes, family is the friend who stayed when everyone else disappeared.
Sometimes home is not the place you came from, it might be the place you slowly create. It could be found in friendships, in a partner, or found in your own little family, and maybe that's the kind of home we all deserve.
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