My mind is going slow. Well, even slower.
I think it is just that I have been with a fever for so long, that even now that it has broken and I am otherwise okay, my brain is still in recovery mode, or protection mode, or has just been burned to a crisp. Whatever it is, I am struggling to generate clear thoughts. I have kept writing through this period of course, because as I have said, it is useful to do so. However, it has taken a bit longer to get my ideas out than I would like.
Not too bad though.
It is actually quite interesting to write when sick because we get a chance to observe how much difference it can make to our thoughts when we aren't feeling as good as normal. While a lot of people say "rest", I am not so sure that it is always the best advice, because there are plenty of times when we have to perform, regardless of how we feel about it.
For instance, over the last seven years with Smallsteps, there have been plenty of times where I have had to pull all-nighters and then work in the morning. And several times I have had to pull "all-weekers" too. The first six months of her life I was getting around two hours of broken sleep a night and still having to run my business, take care of her and support my wife, who was in bed for about the first three months recovering. It wasn't enjoyable, it wasn't easy, it wasn't what we had planned our family life to be like, but it was necessary.
Stiff upper lip and get the fuck on with it, right?
Perhaps it is because of all the times in my life where this has been required that has made me a little less understanding when people are complaining about their various conditions and excuses as to why they can't do something. Sure, there are plenty of reasons and lots of walls that block us from doing what we want, but we should really take some time to consider which of them are real and which aren't. If we don't we will keep using fake excuses that will hold us back from getting real results.
Have you audited your excuses?
What do you want to do in this life, what actions does it take to do it, which ones are you doing, which ones are you not, which ones are necessary, which could be done, which are you doing which could be dropped?
I find that a lot of people can't do much unless the conditions are near enough to perfect for them. If they are feeling a bit off, they do nothing. If they don't have quite enough time, they do nothing. If they don't have all the tools they want to use, they do nothing. There is a lot of nothing being done.
Well, that isn't quite true.
People see to do a lot of what they want. Of course, this is tempered by what they can do with the resources they have available - resources that many keep biting into, until they dwindle away into nothing. And as they do, people seem to increase how much they blame others as to why they can't do more of what they want, when they could do those things before. This isn't just about monetary things of course, it also has to do with health and relationships too.
If our wellbeing depends on having perfect conditions, can we ever be well?
I don't think so. However, I haven't "felt well" since I was 16 years of age, so my entire adult life has been spent in less than ideal conditions and as I get older, the feeling isn't getting any better, nor is life getting any easier. However, what is getting easier, is my ability to get on with it regardless. I don't know if this is normal as we age, or if it is because I take the approach that shit has to be done anyway, or perhaps it is a combination of both - but life is less hard in the sense that I have accepted that no matter the conditions, some things just have to be done, whether I want to do them or not.
Do what you want!
Seems like such a childish thing to say, doesn't it?
I don't know if it is, but at least for me, I haven't found that doing what I want has led to anything overly great. I think this is because doing what I want is going to favor some aspects over others, so rather than taking care of everything that needs to be done broadly enough, the undesirable stuff just gets left by the wayside. At some point, there isn't much left to do what I want with, there is just the constant stress of not having enough to do much at all.
But luckily, we all live our own lives and no one has to live my experience. Everyone can judge the lives of others as better or worse or what is useful or not, but each of us are trapped in our own lives, with no escape. Perhaps the people who do what they want will have a wonderful live doing so and will die ecstatic, believing they have lived their best life, a life of purpose or, whatever they think life should be.
I am willing to concede that I am a fool.
But that is okay, because I foolishly did it my way.
But my ideas run slow.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
