Smallsteps and I went for Daddy-Daughter coffee today, but before we went to the café in the city, we dropped into a store to pick her up some new pants and socks for school. As while she doesn't grow that fast, she definitely puts a lot of holes in her clothes. Granted with the socks, since they don't wear shoes inside at school, they wear out quickly.
When we got to the register, there was a "twenty percent discount" if spending over a certain amount, and we were two euros off the lower limit, so we went and picked up a cheap shirt, which means it ended up being free anyway. However, this prompted Smallsteps to ask a few questions.
Why do we always need to "do something" in order to get something?
She meant that to get the discount, we had to meet some criteria, which she has noticed is the case for everything. So, we talked a little about that, which led to a discussion of getting the shirt for free, and then onto a discussion about how a discount isn't saving money, it is spending money. But if it is something you need and would buy anyway, it is saving. But if it is something that you don't need and you buy it just because it is on sale, it is a spend, and a loss. But before this, as I was driving, I said that I would explain my thinking on it and she asked,
Do I have to think the same way as you?
Definitely not. However, I mentioned that since her parents have a fair amount of experience, I would appreciate it if she considers our thinking so that she has more information before making her own decisions and solidifying her thoughts. I reckon we should always be open to challenging our thinking on anything and everything, even if it is uncomfortable.
As we talked about whether a discount is a cost or a saving, we talked about needs and wants too, which led into a discussion on what might be a good way to know whether a cost is worth it, if it is on a thing that isn't actually needed.
There is nuance involved with this reply, because it becomes a personal perspective. What I might see as a complete waste of money, someone else might see as vital. However, we each have to decide what is important to us, and what we are willing to forgo. There is value in spending time at a café for me with Smallsteps, but if we did it daily, it would no longer be special. And all those little costs would add up so that large things couldn't be purchased. For this the examples was about going out to restaurants to eat as a family of three, where going monthly for six months is the the same value as buying a decent electric piano for her.
So in my thinking, the value of something that isn't needed, depends on the life value it brings. For example, this message from my wife today:
We got a message and videos to let us know that the mother dog was having its puppies and while Smallsteps and I were out, we found out both of them are boys, which is what we wanted. This means that in about eight weeks from now, the family dynamics will change again as we welcome a puppy into our home. This is not as large a change as a baby, but it is still a significant change for us and it shifts many things in our lives with scheduling and care, for the next decade and a half or so.
Plus, it is unnecessary and expensive.
But is the cost worth it?
Again, it comes down to personal preference and circumstances, because just like children, pets aren't for everyone. But, they can not only change the dynamics of the home, they can also change the overall feel of the home itself, and the way people interact together. Our house feels better when we have a dog in the home, but it also means more responsibility for everyone, in some way.
The conversation changes.
As we are shaped by our environment, shift the contents and everything will change around it in some way. This means that routines get disrupted and conversations are had that wouldn't have been had prior. It isn't all a happy discussion, but a lot of it supports personal growth, development, and new behaviours. For instance, Smallsteps will have to take the puppy out after her school day and I predict that there will be many discussions because she won't want to all of the time. These are learning opportunities. Learning how to look after a dog properly, isn't just about learning responsibility, but it is also a step toward independence, because it helps a child learn that independence doesn't mean doing what one wants, it is about doing what is needed to be done first, even if it isn't fun.
Like picking up after a dog.
Daddy-Daughter coffee time is awesome. We have been doing it all of her life and the conversations are becoming more and more complex and far more interesting. She is also becoming cheekier and wittier, picking out more nuance and detail from what is said, and using it to solidify or break down the discussion. She is far smarter than I was at that age.
But of course, talking isn't enough. As while it can lead to a change in thinking, it still has to be put into action to have any real effect. Some people will talk for ever, but never make a decision, because they fear making the wrong one. This is just as bad if not worse, than acting thoughtlessly.
We all want to improve our life in some way, but in order to get a positive change, we have to spend time working out what that actually means to us, and what it requires from us. We need to be more intentional with our thoughts and behaviours, ensuring that we are acting like the kind of person we think we want to be. I can't tell my daughter to be the way I want her to be, the decision is up to her, and she cannot escape the consequences. She is the only one who can live her life.
Her environment will influence her though -
Like it does all of us.
Taraz
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